Completely devastated

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Completely devastated

Postby MirMid on Thu Aug 30, 2012 6:59 pm

I wish I had found this site months ago... My husband (who works for the USAF) and I have been having problems since I was about 4 months pregnant (early 2011) with his gaming. We started going to couples therapy this past June to try to work through everything. It started to get better with him cutting down on his gaming time and spending more time with our son (who is now 13 months). Then he started refusing to go to therapy and started playing more - every single night until the wee hours of the morning. Even on the nights when he had to wake up at 6:30am for work...

He misses meals because he is playing so much and gets angry if I go into our basement and 'interrupt' him. He said to me yesterday "I am downstairs, relaxing, playing my game and out of nowhere you come downstairs and get upset with me and yell. Why in the world would I come upstairs and spend any time with you? That isn't going to happen. I'm going to stay downstairs and keep playing." He will tell me that he will only be playing for 2 hours and, after 3.5 hours of me waiting for him and staying up so we can go to bed together I eventually go downstairs and am frustrated with him. We argue. He stays in the basement. I go to bed, upset and alone.

Yesterday we had a therapy appt. Last minute he refused to go (he was tired from being up all night and had a headache from all of the game playing). I got very upset with him. Upon my coming back - with the mentality of finding support groups and wanting to keep trying because I wasn't ready to give up and go for a divorce, he ignored me for 1.5 hrs. Then, 5 minutes before he had to leave for work, he told me that he was meeting with a lawyer that night, had already contacted our realtor about selling our house, and had looked into selling his truck.

I told him that that wasn't what I wanted. That I wanted him to start going to therapy with me again, stop playing his video games, and spend as much time, if not more time, with me and our son than he was spending on gaming. That, realistically, if we were to divorce, I would go back to my home state (we are stationed in Utah but I am from Florida) with our son and they wouldn't have daily contact anymore. I told my husband that that wasn't what I wanted and that I wanted to try everything possible before it came to that. He said to me "YOU ARE NOT GETTING OUR SON!" i found out through out yesterday night that everything he said was a bluff. he was bullying me and trying to scare me (the idea of losing our son and my insurance coverage) into staying with him!!!

That was kind of the last straw for me and now we are not talking to each other and both doing our own thing to divorce. I still don't know how much of his is real and how much is a bluff but I am meeting with a lawyer tomorrow, have removed him from my credit cards, have used our joint investment acct to pay off all of our debts, and am leaving on Monday to visit my parents with my son for 2 weeks.

After those 2 weeks, I will be back. I am so devastated that it has come to this. I know addiction is difficult and many people have to hit absolute rock bottom before they realize there is a problem but even with divorce very possible during our discussion yesterday he was still persistent that he had done nothing wrong and didn't have a problem at all. I am so embarrassed about my situation and keep thinking about what else I could have done. I feel myself beating myself up over it and then I see my son and I know that he deserves to be in a home where there is no extra hate (there is enough of that in the world already) and where he has positive male role models who enjoy and experience life instead of always being glued to video games (He plays Call of Duty and other shooting games with his co-workers).

Whenever he has finished playing he is more angry and aggressive. Has anyone else been through a divorce over gaming and made it to the other side? I really would love to hear some stories that give me hope of a better future. Thank you for taking the time to read this. (My name is Miriam btw)
MirMid
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Re: Completely devastated

Postby BionicMomo on Tue Sep 11, 2012 4:29 pm

Hello, Miriam!

You're situation is so much tougher than mine, and I really admire you for sticking it out as long as you have! I have never been through something like this, but I have a nagging feeling in my mind that maybe it might in the future if I stick with my boyfriend. No one deserves treatment like this, and while I know you're (rightfully) upset about everything going on, and want to be with him, you need to do what's best for you and your son. Hopefully, after the two weeks, (which should be soon, actually), he'll have had time to think about what life would be like without you, the woman he married who gave birth to his son. I'm sending all sorts of nice thoughts your way, and I hope everything works out for you, regardless of what happens!

BM
BionicMomo
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