Sad and confused

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Sad and confused

Postby Bizdaddy on Thu Sep 20, 2012 2:29 pm

I am a 34 year old man and have just realized my wife(soon to be ex-wife if she goes through with the divorce) is completely addicted to an iPhone game called Castle Age. My wife met a married man in her guild and fell in love with him and decided to leave me, unfortunately for her that man didn't leave his wife. We have an 11 year old daughter and my wife since leaving me a month ago and filing for divorce has on 3 occasions not even bothered to call our daughter to say goodnight because she is on the game. I have spoken to my wife about her addiction but she either denies it, lies to me about how much she plays or says "Well these people are on it more than me. I'm not addicted." She considers these people in the game her friends and has told me "The game makes me happy." and that she uses it as an escape from reality. She has given out personal information and even once asked me(while we were still together) if the man she fell in love with could have our address so he could send us a movie. She plays at work even though cellphones are banned at work after getting written up twice at work for cellphone use she will either sneak off to the freezer or say she has to use the restroom so she can battle. We actually had a good marriage and went out quite often or hung out with our mutual friends, who were shocked when she walked out on me, now she goes home and immediately gets on the game. I feel like an idiot because I introduced her to the game. I honestly think if she would actually stop playing she'd realize what she's done and come back but I have to give up trying to convince her she's addicted, I've sent her numerous links to signs of video game addiction sites, and let her either realize it herself or lose her forever. I've seen the things she says in chat on the game and it is so far from the actual woman my wife really is it's not even a woman I recognize.
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Re: Sad and confused

Postby sannevanzijl on Thu Sep 20, 2012 11:49 pm

Dear Bizzdaddy

I am so sad to read your story. It is indeed the addiction talking, and not your wife. Probably she isn't even in love with that person, but with the excitement it brings her, the dopamine level.

Please try and convince yourself of one thing though: It is NOT your fault!
You introducing her to that game has not caused her addiction. The set up of these games is to push people to constantly go for more. Also the peer pressure is enourmous. These games are so treaturous.

And also emphisize to your daughter it is not HER fault. Kids tend to blame themselves for whatever goes wrong with their parents. My 7 year old daughter actually sometimes thinks that her daddy loves the xbox more than her because she was naughty. Your daughter is 11, which can be a tough age to deal with for a kid without sorrow. I don't know how aware your daughter is of the situation. But the only advice i can give you is to be as honest to her as you can without blaming her mom for anything. Explain it is a disease, and try and prevent her from shutting down from her mom.

I hope somehow your wife will snap out of this. I hope she will realize what she is about to lose, and that you and your daughter have not moved on by then.

I wish you strength and wisdom and and hope for the best
Feel free to pm anytime

Sanne
Shooting at shooters would be nice for a change ...
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Re: Sad and confused

Postby Bizdaddy on Fri Sep 21, 2012 10:53 am

I've pretty much given up hope unless something major happens. I've even asked her to stop for our daughter's sake and she hasn't. I see that some people have been going through this for years I guess my wife is just super fast. She's only been playing the game for about 6 months, been in her guild and met that guy about 4 months ago and apparently fell in love with him about 3 months ago but I guess decided to stay so she could save up money to move out but 3 days after she left she was already broke. She denies it but I think she's spending major money on the game. We actually had an argument before she left because she spent money on the game. I've spent over $700 on stuff for my daughter's school, clothes, sports fees and band equipment in 3 weeks and have asked my wife to pay half like she's agreed to but haven't seen a dime yet and always get told she's broke and has no money when I bring it up but she has new clothes, a new purse and new jewelry.
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Re: Sad and confused

Postby laroo on Thu Sep 27, 2012 1:00 pm

Sorry to hear about your plight, Biz. I've been going through this for years.

In my situation, the games are just a symptom. Our problems are much, much deeper. If she took away the games, she'd find something else equally useless to hide in. Our problems are much, much deeper.

As far as I know, my wife is not cheating on me. The thought has crossed my mind. You know what sucks? Instead of a jealous rage, my mind immediately saw a guilt-free way out. Sucks, huh? If I caught her, I could get out and be the good guy. Fucking sickening.

I hope the future holds new and better things for you, Biz. I really do.
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Re: Sad and confused

Postby Bizdaddy on Fri Sep 28, 2012 8:15 am

That's the thing me, my family and all our friends thought we had a good marriage with very little arguing. My wife has been diagnosed with clinical depression since she was 19 but even she told me after she left she hadn't been unhappy in our marriage. Of course I'm finding out things she's been doing for years even before the game came into our lives so it makes me wonder.
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Re: Sad and confused

Postby Bizdaddy on Mon Oct 01, 2012 9:13 am

Yesterday was my daughters second volleyball game of the season. My wife never showed up and of course the first question my daughter asks me after the game is "Why didn't mommy come to my game?" To which I replied "I don't know, Darlin. " and left it at that
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Re: Sad and confused

Postby sannevanzijl on Mon Oct 15, 2012 4:07 am

Damn biz, i feel your pain with you :( I know how much it hurts when your kids ask you stuff like that, it breaks your heart.

My daughter often asks "Mummy, does daddy really love the xbox more than us?" Or when she wants to show him something she made for him at school and he rushed her away ... Only thinking about it tears me up.

Bizz, you can pm me anytime if you want if you want something off your chest ok?

Hugs
Sanne
Shooting at shooters would be nice for a change ...
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Re: Sad and confused

Postby Lyoness on Tue Dec 04, 2012 9:54 pm

Biz and Sanne,

It's the absolute WORST when kids are involved. It breaks my heart to read your stories. :( You are definitely not alone.

You need to figure out the root cause for WHY your gamer is addicted. There is something in their life that is missing, a void, a hole that needs to be filled. The game is filling this hole. You need to identify the issue and help your gamer through it.

Please do keep us updated, I want to know how you're doing.


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