HI Bizdaddy and Sannie

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HI Bizdaddy and Sannie

Postby ginabean on Fri Oct 12, 2012 3:29 am

I've been a member for some time, and unfortunately never found the support I was hoping for - just not enough action it seems in the forum. God knows there is a desperate need for this forum to continue. I am still desperate after 2+ years of my husband playing a mobile phone game claled wold war. Problem is that he has this game on the desktop pc, he bought a laptop, it's on that as well as the iphone, ipod and ipad, and not to forget the andriod phone too. He has cloned probably around 40 games all running simultaneoulsy. I haven't seen his eyes for two years or more, they are always looking at a device. I don't think he has looked at me in all the time he's been playing. Even when we go to work and come home (we drive together - or rather I drive) he is wither on the game or slepping while I drive him. I do pretty much all the cooking cleaning and day to day stuff to keep the home running. Then I put in a full day's work. My weekends are spent cleaning, I even have to gethim to lift his feet to vaccuum under them. Of late he turns up 2 secs before I finish washing up and offers to help. Last weekend he drove the ride on mower around for an hour. I am so shitty that this token attmept to show he's pulling his weight is a result of his guilty conscience - I have had three massive rows with him after finding graphic serc chats with members of his clan, including pics of bits that should not be seen. Three times I got to the point where I couldn't take it anymore. I have in the past few days done a quiet little check on his chat program again. He's at it again.
I am so damn tired that trying to separate out our very entangled financial affairs just seems too hard. IN addition to this he has been controlling through our entire relationship I do not have a network of friends I can rely on. I no longer have the desire to get up and get a life of my own. I'm just too damn tired and have reached the point where the few words a day he does say to me is better than a row - at least its peaceful. I'm just feeling so broken. I hear the both of you,and bizdaddy, you are the first person I have come acorss whose partner is hooked on the phone. God I wish I could just sleep and not wake up. I don't know how I can work al day, and be cheerful and bouncy and get home and just want to withdraw into myself or my book.
ginabean
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Re: HI Bizdaddy and Sannie

Postby Bizdaddy on Sat Oct 13, 2012 7:22 am

I know exactly how you feel. When my wife first left me I was completely destroyed but honestly I've been realizing for the last 3 weeks it's the second greatest thing she ever did for me. I'd suggest giving him an ultimatum, you or the game. If he chooses the game get out and live life and be happy.i actually have more money now that she's not spending it all and my daughter and I are closer than ever.

Be strong,
Matthew
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Re: HI Bizdaddy and Sannie

Postby Psykiblue on Sat Oct 13, 2012 1:15 pm

Do you belong to a church? Or any other organization that you could turn to for help?

Are you able to see a counselor?

I'm sorry that the site is not as active as it once was but any suggestions on how to change that would be most welcome. I am still here- have been since 2006 and I moderate and delete all the spam that comes through :( I think that also can detract from a site.

Keep posting though. We also have a private section that is hidden unless you've been a member and made application to same. If you want to pursue that here is a link to where you can fill out a member application http://gamerwidow.com/phpbb/viewtopic.php?f=14&t=42

I know a lot of women and men here are widow's of mmorpg's as opposed to games such as your husband plays however given the advance of technologies it won't be long before its a lot more common :(

But post, and hopefully you can find something of a community here.
I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is only temporary; the evil it does is permanent.

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Re: HI Bizdaddy and Sannie

Postby Lyoness on Sun Oct 14, 2012 12:43 am

I also apologize for there not being much activity. When I created this site, I was only 6 months into my marriage. Now it's 8 years later and we have 3 kids and my life is hectic.

I still very much care for the site and try to maintain it as often as possible. I'll be doing a forum rehaul very soon as the code is quite old and I REALLY want to minimize the spam we keep getting.

I know how you feel, I've been there too.

I'm here for you and I'll try to be here more often.

:hug Thank you for joining this site, please do read through the posts as we have so many stories and helpful advice that I'm sure can help you.
Founder of GamerWidow.com

Please feel free to become a contributing author to the site! Email me at lyoness@gamerwidow.com if you are interested. :)
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Re: HI Bizdaddy and Sannie

Postby sannevanzijl on Mon Oct 15, 2012 4:03 am

Dear Ginabean

I know how hard it is. And i must say that i was indeed a bit disapointed about the seeming silence on this forum, since it is soooo hard to deal with this stuff alone. I am actually thinking about creating a platform of my own.

I for myself must say that have actually gotten through to my gamer a bit. That is why i have not written in a while. I think i wrote somewhere on this site, how my gamer had thrown out his dad, cursing and slamming doors... Well that for me was a bridge too far. If he totally disrespects the last person that actually had some influence on him, when will the last broder (physical abuse) be broken. So I packed my stuff, took the kids and left!!!
I was done making excuses why i could not leave. Ofcourse there would be practical problems when I left, financial, emotional and practical... But what the heck... I can't sit around and wait for his rage to turn physical with two little kids in the house....

And you know what? He called me the same night to talk! He expressed he was aware of issues around gaming. He confessed that in a fire his priority would be the harddive of the xbox instead of kids and dogs ... And end of the evening we called a rehab clinic and made an appointment!!! Tomorrow we will go for an intake meeting.

I am aware this path can still fail, but this event for know at least stopped the downward spiral. I don't know what i'd done if he had not called. I'd probably be still in my parents in law's house. I am also scared to death about the coming months. Will he drop out when it gets hard? Will he act out againts me. But for now the past week has been fantastic! We had fun together, went to do stuff with our kids. And he can now even comfort our 3 year old when she is sad. While two weeks ago she'd run away from him!!!

This week has shown me that there is hope. And also that my 7 year battle was not just torture and in vain. It can actually mean something. I hope my gamer will stick to his chosen path now... And i hope I can be here for each and everyone of you, whose gamers have not ye seen the light.

I know the hardest times for me are still to come... But I regained some of my natural optimism, and i hope i can share some of it with you, just to to let you know you are not alone!!!

Hugs
Sanne
Shooting at shooters would be nice for a change ...
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Re: HI Bizdaddy and Sannie

Postby ginabean on Thu Oct 18, 2012 9:52 pm

Wow Sannie, veels geluk. It sounds as though there may yet be some hope. I know there's no guarantee, but I hope against all odds that your hubby can conquer his addiction. Isn't it amazing that the very thing that keeps us in these relationships - a firm belief that tomorrow is another day and another opportunity for things to get better - is the thing that will keep us surviving after the marriage falls apart. I know I just need to get my energy levels up a bit - I think I was a bit hormonal when I first posted, feeling not so despondent. At the moment my feelings are that he can do whatever he likes, I'm just getting on with doing what needs to be done. I really am so terrible at fighting and arguing, and my husband is a master fighter - he gets UGLY - I just avoid confrontation of any description. The last time I checked his account he was still having sex chats with other women. I didn't even raise the issue. I couldn't be bothered any more. I think I'm numb to it now. It's amazing how well you can function when you're numb. Please keep us posted and let us know how you are going.
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