Hello There. Glad To Have Found The Group

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Hello There. Glad To Have Found The Group

Postby skenney5678 on Wed Apr 17, 2013 10:25 pm

Hello, I am a 21 year old married to a gamer. We also have a three year old son. My husband spends any moment he is not at work on his gaming computer (which "we" paid > $1000 for, instead of getting the new washing machine and dryer that we need). He plays League of Legends and Runescape on his PC and used to be on a team for Black Ops and MW3, before the game started "cheating" and was "no fun."

Hubby's gaming habit is EXPENSIVE. In addition to the $1200 spent on the computer, we have bought:

XBox 360 with Kinect - $400 (Kinect is barely used)
Wireless Turtle Beach headset for 360 - $200 (I use it for movie watching so as not to disturb his game)
PS3 - $150 (used for our son to watch movies upstairs)
SCUF 360 controller - $130 (broken and unused now)
Nintendo Wii - $200 (used when his parents come over, in other words never)
Various Wii, 360, and PS3 games - roughly $600 (hardly any of them are played)
Gold/Currency for his games - > $1000

At one time he wanted to go into the gold selling business for Runescape, which could have potentially made us $2000 per month. We dumped over $1000 into it and he got NOTHING. We are a struggling young family so this money was really needed... He gave up on it. Then he went to competitive 360 gaming but because of his temper during games, his team left him. He went then to Minecraft and eventually came to League of Legends. Now he has been invited to a team that may, in the far away future, want him to move to a "gaming house" closer to where their tournaments will be. He wants me and our son to go too, saying we would be taken care of by sponsors for the team. I can't handle this. It's hard enough being the single parent as it is, plus being blamed for anything that goes wrong in the house or with our son. Now he wants us to move even farther away from my family and friends (I'm already 3 hours away) and abandon my job, the best job I have ever had?!?!?

I can't take it... All of my coping mechanisms are failing and now I'm afraid I am showing too much of my frustration with my son, who is already having trouble in school and with peers... All of my coworkers and family want me to just leave my husband but I want to believe that the man I loved before the games is still there... Hidden under the 100 pounds he has gained and the stench of his lack of hygiene... I still love him, just not what he does... :faint
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Re: Hello There. Glad To Have Found The Group

Postby ginabean on Mon Apr 29, 2013 11:10 pm

Hi there skenney,

Welcome to the forum. There are lots of us in the same boat here. I read about your husbands spending on the game, which is alarming, however, we gamerwidows are accustomed to going without because of the game. What is more alarming is your husband's plans to move to a gaming house and to take you and the little one with him. Please, dear girl, if you do nothing else - dig your heels in RIGHT NOW. Even if you concede everything else - do not give up your job or your home. You cannot stop your husband's downward spiral, but you CAN choose not to follow him into the gutter. I am very afraid if you let go of whatever security you do have, you will lose what little control you have of the situation, more importantly you will lose what security you and the little one have. You can't stop him from moving out to this gaming house. You don't have to go with him. You have a right to expect him to help you pay the rent and reasonable living expenses. Personally I see it as a choice he has to make - the game or his family. Sometimes guys like him have to get intimately acquainted with the gutter before they realise they need to turn their lives around. You still love him, you probably always will, however you have a responsibility to your little boy to raise him in a stable clean healthy environment. A gaming house filled with people like your husband is not that. If his sponsors are willing to support his family, they can put their money where their mouth is and pay your rent. DO NOT MOVE. Your husband may have a think about his priorities and still decide to go. You will have to learn to be ok with that if it happens. Please come back and let us know how you are doing.
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Re: Hello There. Glad To Have Found The Group

Postby laroo on Wed May 01, 2013 5:53 pm

Hi Skenney,

Wow. I can honestly say I've never heard of anything like that. Just wow.

I am in complete agreement with Gina. Don't move into that place! What a nightmare. I obviously can't speak for anyone else, but if it were me, I'd tell them "Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out, because I don't want to have to wipe your fat ass-prints off of MY door."

There has to be a point where we say 'enough is enough.' Moving in to that gamer hellhouse is way beyond any kind of reasonable request. "Quit your job and drop your whole life so I can play video games full time." That is absolutely the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard. If he's serious...then I just don't get it. Fucking ridiculous. Insanity.

Just insane. As much as you love him, and as painful as it may be, I hope you don't allow yourself or your son to be drawn into that place.

We're here for you if you need to vent, or just to find folks who may know something about what you're going through. Our circumstances may not all be the same, but we all deal with similar issues, and a lot of us here have come out the other side happier for it. Some of us are still going through it, but finding ways to cope that we're happy to share with each other.

Take care of you, Skenney.

Laroo

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Re: Hello There. Glad To Have Found The Group

Postby AMNeSia on Fri May 24, 2013 3:05 am

Are you serious? From the figures you posted...he spent $3880??? Seriously?

I can't believe it. You could almost buy a fucking car in that much amount plus some more money added. This is too much. The gaming house will take care of you? Fuck them, they don't know to take care of themselves, what will they take care of you and your kid? What do they know about a family and what it means to be in one?

Why should you move with him? Did he marry and become a father so that you could get ground to nothing doing everything for him and the house while he enjoys everything but doing nothing? Seriously, if I were you, I'd tell him to go fuck himself with those friends of his. I don't mean to be offensive, but it just makes me angry to see when people do like this.

$3880 wasted for nothing...My dad's income isn't that much per year (when converted to Indian Rupees). Of course, I did spend more than $2000 of my own earning on the PC, but I still am limiting the usage, considering it's expensive and electricity bills are dime-a-dozen already. Plus low income. Meh...now I wonder why I bought the PC in the first place. Such an idiot I am.

Anyways, you love him. But you're taking out your frustration of what he does on yourself and your son. Why? Take out your frustration on him. I don't know your condition, but I think you've already lost him. Trust me, it's getting worse. You'll end up destroying your and your son's life for a person who doesn't give a fuck about you. Plus, being the only one who works, being blamed for anything going wrong...something...no, everything's wrong with that dude's head.

You don't need to move everywhere. You deserve a better life. A person who loves you, cares for you and wants you for you and not as a servant. Maybe the person you love is still there, but I see him as a lost cause. Don't go anywhere with him if it's only about him and not you and your kid. Selfishness also has a limit. Remember you have a life. Living for someone you love isn't wrong, but neglecting yourself is. You lived for him and your son. Considering he's a lost cause, live for yourself and your son. Nothing else matters more than family. He doesn't want to be a part of it, he can go stick his ass in the gaming house, you don't have to suffer.

You love him, but considering this is getting crappier for you day-by-day, I'd suggest you better find someone who's a real man rather than someone playing with his binary toys. Hope something works for you and things get better. Feel free to talk, vent, ask for help and so on. We're always here.
"Everything is relative and situational...all depends on your choices" - EiRaSAdoyC.
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