Hiya, Am I too needy?

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Hiya, Am I too needy?

Postby ambibambi on Fri Jun 07, 2013 3:45 pm

Hello everyone, my name is Amber.
Thanks for taking the time to read my post, I didn't realise that there was a community out there specifically for this. Something which I thought was just me and my imagination, but there must be other's in my position or round abouts too!
A little bit about me....well basically I'm 17 and my boyfriend of 2 years is 21. We got together when I was 15 and everything started out fantastic. I mean, generally speaking, things still are fantastic. I know I love him with every inch of me but there is something that is niggling away...and as the title of this forum suggests...its his gaming.
We don't live together. One we're both too young for that anyway and I'm still in full time education. We also live 30 mins from each other so it can be difficult to see each other as neither of us drive and we both live in the middle of the countryside. We will however be both going to different unis in September (which means being an extra 2 hours apart :/ )

I knew he was a gamer before we started dating so I knew that he spent a lot of his time on the xbox and now the PC. He was unemployed for about 18 months but now thankfully a few months ago was able to get a job working outside in a field. Needless to say he doesn't like his job, but a job is a job and it gets him money at the end of the day. Seems nowadays his gaming habits are getting worse. I do love playing games myself, but being in a household of 6 with a busy schedual I never find the time, but I respect that it is a massive part of his life.

We keep in contact throughout the week through Facebook and texting, but when I want to call him its another matter. He doesn't like me to ring because either he's too tired or he wants to 'chill out and game'. This is every time I want to call. I have given up because he never seems enthusiastic for me to ring, or to find out how my day was or all the stupid things I want to tell him. If I beg to ring then he will agree but the phone call has to be 10 mins and he will be playing whilst chatting to me.

On average we see each other about once a week/two weeks and when I come over to his (he doesnt come to mine because he doesnt like my parents) he spends the majority of the time on the PC playing whatever game. The only time he seems genuinely interested is when he wants....y'know. If I ask for cuddles or attention i'm being 'needy' or 'trying to make him feel bad''

I dont complain much about his gaming because I know it's important to him, but at the same time, this is a relationship and I feel like im being taken for granted.

I just want to know if im over reacting. I know I havent got it that bad, but he warns me that I had better get used to it for when we eventually live together. :L

Thanks for reading

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Re: Hiya, Am I too needy?

Postby laroo on Mon Jun 10, 2013 11:12 am

Hi Amber,


It sounds like he's a dedicated gamer. That being said, if it's uncomfortable for you now, I can attest that it does not get any easier. If you read through some of the experiences folks have posted on this forum, you'll see that in most cases it only gets harder. Imagine living with someone who treats you the same way he treats you now. Today, I'm sure you have other things to do with your time - school, friends, family - but imagine living in the same house with your gamer BF and not having those things so readily at hand. It gets hard. If you're feeling ignored or isolated now, that's a pretty reliable indication that there is a problem.

It seems to me you'll have to reconcile two things: Respecting him and his gaming needs, and respecting yourself and your own human needs. You can do both, but it sounds like he may not be able to do both. If that is the case, I would urge you to consider your own needs before his. If that means coming to an uncomfortable realization that this may not be the right man for you, then it will be infinitely better for you to find that out sooner rather than later. Ultimately, it sounds like that is a choice you will have to make.

Take care of you, Amber!
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Re: Hiya, Am I too needy?

Postby AMNeSia on Thu Jun 13, 2013 1:09 am

Welcome to GamerWidow.

Well...Laroo summed it up properly, so not much to say. But...he's warning you that you better be used to his addiction when you both will live together. That sounds more like a relationship full of emotional (and probably physical) abuse. I mean...if you're a person who drives recklessly and your significant other warns you to not drive, it's understandable...but here, he's the addicted one and he's warning you to get used to it. Better get out of it while you can.

I am not saying you should just go ahead and break up, but see how things go. He wants the attention, you don't get even a bit. Isn't that unbalanced? It is not right like this...a relationship is made of 2 or more people and they all need to play their parts...not play, but be their parts. If he's your BF, he needs to BE your BF and not just wave that thing around like an ass.

The choice is all yours. We all can just guide you; it's up to you to see what things are and act accordingly. Hope things improve and you don't have to separate, but then, some things are necessary, aren't they...?
"Everything is relative and situational...all depends on your choices" - EiRaSAdoyC.
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