Hi from a WOW Widower

[Sam]

HI Everyone,


Glad to find this site...my wife has played WOW around 80 hrs a week for two years now...I won't go into too many details right now but she totally ignores me and our two teenage daughters. She eats in her room...she goes nowhere but work...as soon as she gets home it's up to her room to play WOW until bedtime. Weekends are 16 hrs a day of WOW. Sam

[Sirena]

Welcome Sam!

Shut the internet off! Plain and simple. 80 hours a week is ludicrous - especially with two teenagers. I know it sounds harsh and will probably make life more difficult for everyone, but the kids can run to the library if they need the internet that bad. You need to get it completely out of your house. She will either throw the biggest fit you have ever seen or get sickening sweet and beg you to turn it back on (my s/o did this), but what do you have to lose? She is not part of your family now anyway.

[Sam]

I deserve this and have helped create it I guess.. The whole family is addicted to the internet so I would be lynched if I tried that but....I also would have serious problems not having it. I mean I could say it's because I need to pay my bills online and so many other useful things but it's been a large part of my life for over 10 years and I couldn't imagine life without it frankly.

[Psykiblue]

Perhaps get dial up so you can do the things you need to do like paying the bills and doing the browsing online for a bit. I have realized that the internet while becoming more important does not have to consume your life. But anyway I'm sorry to hear about your situation.

Have you tried talking to your wife? Have you tried to explain to her what is happening? or does she just ignore you?

[happiness]

I would recommend you search after a long thread written by a user called Arlie. It might be in a restriced area you could get access to after a few more posts - but there should also be one in the areas you have access to now. His story has some resemblances to yours.

A true cave-woman you have there.....

Wellcome and best of luck with your situation. Write more and we will be able to comment more.
Happiness.

[Sam]

I guess I just feel like a single parent and I grieve for my daughters who don't have their mother anymore. My wife acts exactly like the girlfriend of a recent poster here..Ryan, in that she seems overtaken by this thing and offers no human emotion, advice, response to our daughters. My oldest daughter is in college and is getting married in July so she won't be here but my 16 year old daughter is bitter about not having her mother. I try to fill in the gaps as much as possible but there's no replacement for your mother. She was saying how her mother doesn't talk to her and I said well she really doesn't talk to anyone and she said "she chats to those people on WOW... I hear her."
I really have made plans to leave and almost did so last fall when I found information on her computer where she was chatting with a man in a romantic way in the game of Second Life. She was playing it along with WOW for about a year. She became very sad and said she had no one if I left and that she had ended contact with the guy when she started having feelings for him. I caved in and stayed. I also didn't want my daughter to be here without me as she would have no parent to guide her at that point. So...my plan, for now, is to do the best I can for my daughter until she graduates and then to leave.

[happiness]

And if you accidentially get run over by a truck and die in a year - how well spend will that year have been? You gotta live life now and take decisions to improve it NOW. You never know how your life will turn out - but you have to honor life itself by pursuing what you want when you still can!

[Ninj4]

Sam, what I'm going through right now is nothing compared to what you're going through. I'm sorry to hear that your wife is acting this way.

I have to agree with Happiness. Life is too short and unpredictable, and your wife needs to realize that she needs to learn to prioritize her own family over a game. I think the only way she'll see that is by leaving... if you have to, take your daughter with you if she must. She needs a reality check.

Again, I'm sorry that you're going through this. Know that there is someone who knows a slight fraction of what you're going through, and is there if you need someone to talk to.

- Ryan

[Tawnee]

I really have made plans to leave and almost did so last fall when I found information on her computer where she was chatting with a man in a romantic way in the game of Second Life. She was playing it along with WOW for about a year. She became very sad and said she had no one if I left and that she had ended contact with the guy when she started having feelings for him

But you have no one now. She is not there for you and your daughter in any way.

What does she tell your daughter when she accuses her Mum of ignoring her, what does she tell you, more importantly what does she tell herself?

This is no way to live for any of you and calls for drastic measures. Go get dial up, seriously you cannot play wow with it. Do this carefully and maybe look at an intervention. This has gone on for too long.

[Sam]

Ok it's not dial up but it's a step in the right direction. I went from two dsl lines at 1.5 mbps each to one dsl at 768kbps today. I just told her and boy is she pissed. With 4 family members on the same connection all of the time I think she will be getting killed in game a lot.

[happiness]

I know its hard but I would really try to solve this situation a bit more direct instead of small subtle steps. She needs to be ripped out of that virtual prison. Believe me when I tell you that she will actually thank you once she gets out on the other side of the craving - that usually lasts 3-4 weeks. She is blind and will only act as a primitive animal to whatever you do. So do the right thing - and remove her entirely. Force her out of it. Force her! She will thank you when her vision is no longer clouded.

[newlywedwidow]

Set yourself up as administrator and put a password on the computer. Give the password to your daughter but not your wife. Also get a keylogger. It copies everything done on the computer and emails it to you. Some of them can't even be detected by antivirus software. I would leave though if I were you. Take your daughter with you. In divorce court your daughter is old enough to decide where she wants to go. Hope this helps and welcome!!

newlywedwidow

[FarleySC]

Hi Sam. My heart goes out to you and your family in this trying time. I hope that you and your daughters are getting the local support you need emotionally to deal with this addiction. It's a totally debilitating addiction in the case of your wife (from your posts). Work, WoW, (eat), Sleep; is NOT a life. You need to take some form of ACTION and force her hand. Right now she's happy with the status quo because as long as you haven't turned the internet off, or canceled her subscription etc, she's still able to log on, and interact with her "peers" in game. That's a huge part of the game for a lot of people.

You've tried talking, it's been 2 years. It's time to do something. What you do depends on you, and your situation. Talk with you daughters about what they would like to see happen in your home. My wife almost left me when I was addicted. I didn't find out about this until after a few months of being "clean", but she told me that she'd just about had enough and was going to leave until I got my act together. At the time, I don't know if I would have responded positively (quitting), or negatively (relieved that she wasn't nagging me about my play time). But at least she would have known where she stood.

Best of luck to you and your family.
I hope you get your spouse back in one piece.

[Sam]

Just talked to daughter re moving out. She said she'd rather look at the back of her mom's head than to do that. She said "I'm not going to leave her and you can't do that to her either." Heavy stuff.

[FarleySC]

Daughter and Mom haven't hit rock bottom yet. Sometimes that's what it will take to effect change.

[Psykiblue]

Sometimes you have to remember selfcare as well.

I realize you may not want to leave and your daughter may not want to either. But when is enough enough? when you're one foot in the grave from all the stress?

I dont mean to sound harsh but sometimes drastic measures are called for.

[newlywedwidow]

You really need to sit your daughter down and tell her that you may not even be leaving for good. That you are doing this for her mother. Tell her that her mother needs to see that you three mean business and that if she continues to ignore the family and disregard her family that she will loose her family. Somehow you need to make your daughters see that their mother is tearing you and the rest of the family apart and that she has a serious problem and needs help. I don't think they fully grasp the seriousness of the situation. Why should you be stuck in a "marriage" to a zombie? Why should you be miserable just to make sure that your "wife" has someone there for her when she has been MIA for 2 years? I hope that they come to the realization that you wife is hurting you.

newlywedwidow

[Sam]

ok so my daughter and I did an intervention last night we sat my wife down and explained to her how we felt and I basically told her I was leaving if she didn't stop playing. She just listened and seemed to hear us. We agreed to actually sit down and have dinner together from now on and to try to communicate with one another like a real family. So this evening she does eat dinner with us which my 16 yr old daughter prepared. She didn't speak a word the whole time. So we finish dinner and she is sitting with us in the living room as we asked her to but refusing to speak to any of us...I think she is trying to prove she can ignore us just the same without WOW I don't know...

[FarleySC]

It's possible that she's sorry, but can't admit it to you or herself? It's that, or she's so angry that you have a problem with her gaming (not realizing that it's her who has the problem). The fact that your daughter participated in the conversation helps to illustrate to her that you're not the only one who has a problem with the amount of time she spends playing WoW. Try softening her up with kind words and deeds while she continues to ignore you. It's hard to stay mad at someone when they are being a peach to you. Ask her about her day, tell her how much you love her, take her to Dairy Queen (or whatever your thing is). See if she'd like to go for a walk with you or something. Best of luck to yah.

[newlywedwidow]

I think that this was a great idea. I think that this really showed your daughter just how "out of the loop" your wife is. Maybe if you keep this up your wife will eventually come around. Only time will tell. Keep us posted!

[Sam]

my wife actually cooked dinner this evening and we were able to all sit down and eat together. She is more talkative
today and I am very encouraged.

[turin122]

Very excellent to hear that!

[newlywedwidow]

Sounds good! Just don't forget to tell her how well she is doing and let her know that you appreciate her and are there for her. The more you support her during this time the better her chances are of beating her addiction.

newlywedwidow

[Sam]

ok...i'm back after about 6 more months....sorry to say the news is not good. My wife went back to WOW after a couple of weeks and I basically just gave up on trying to do anything about it....problem is now she plays so much that I had to take her to the ER because she wasn't eating right. They said she was severely dehydrated and gave her a couple of IVs to get her hydrated. It seems she is so addicted that she doesn't even take the time to eat or hydrate herself properly. Since the ER visit she does try to drink a little more but she still eats very little. I guess I would like opinions of people about leaving someone who you still love but see no hope of ever having normal communication with. My last child at home will not leave for another year so I can't really leave her with a nonexistent parent and she already told me she didn't want to leave her mother by herself even tho my wife never speaks to her or has any interaction with her. I feel she does have interactions with people on WOW that are emotional affairs but she denies this...I did find things on her computer a couple of years ago when she was also playing Second Life but she says she no longer communicates with the guy and stopped playing Second Life after that...she also put a password on her desktop so I can't look on it anymore. She always has her chat headset on when I go in the bedroom where she plays...she says...she is just talking to people about raids etc...but who knows..If I go in and tell her I want to be intimate she will but immediately goes back on the game afterwards so...I guess some guys would think this is an ideal set up but I get lonely for conversation not to mention I get bitter about her ignoring our daughter and never helping cook or any other household chores...I look at online dating sites and contemplate trying to find someone else but nobody wants to talk to a married dude who still lives with his wfe and child so....it's a big mess as you can see...not sure if any of you have any answers but it feels kinda therapeutic to write it all down...lol Sam

[rsangel64]

Hi Sam,
I feel for you I really do. I know exactly what your going through. In my honest opinion, if she is spending that much time on the pc. I would be wondering if she was having an emotional affair. Something has to be drawing her there.
I would disconnect the internet, sounds like she needs to deal with it with a firm hand. She may complain and throw a fit but whats more important? The game or her family.
Good luck!!