Hello

[mishi8055]

My name is Michelle, though for years to friends and family i have been called mishi. I found this group while doing research on gaming addiction and support. My husband of over 8 years is so heavily into WOW that i had to give him an ultimatum this past feb that if things did not change by the end of the year that i want a divorce. To say that i am terribly confused would be a vast understatement. He always tells me that he loves me, makes it a point to kiss me goodbye in the morning before he leaves for work, and to kiss me goodnight before he goes to bed. But that is the extent of the affection that i get from him. If i ask him to do something around the house, i am always told that he will do it later, and later never comes. it always ends with me losing my temper and doing it myself after about a week, and then him getting mad at me saying i just did it so i could say he didnt. I have started us in marriage couseling, after the first session the therapist even said she wasnt sure she could help. She gave us both a list of things to work on two weeks ago before we go back this friday, and guess what, he's done nothing, big shock right. I have days that i just want to throw him out and be done with it, and then i waffle and think that i can make him see the light and save what we have. We were friends through high school, and got married 3 years after graduation, so i have known him for half of my life. I really cant say for sure what happened. He always loved to play games, we both do, but when WOW came out it just kinda took him over. How can he truly love me, if my wants and needs are so far at the bottom of his list of priorities that short of pulling a weapon on him i cant even get him to do something simple for me? I have never been one to nag, i will tell you once, give you two reminders, and then say fluff it and do it myself. I know i am partly to blame because i simply cannot abide living in a pig sty and just leaving things around until he finally decides to pick them up, or let dishes sit in the sink until the bugs take over, and by being this way have taught him that if he holds out long enough i will do it anyway. Add to the mess the fact that i have developed an autoimmune disorder, and my body has decided to fall apart on me. i have days its a struggle to get out of the bed and go to work, much less come home and clean up what ever disaster he has created today. And yet when i break down and cry in front of him, its my hormones, or i must be in physical pain, because he has done "nothing" to cause me to hurt like this. It took my laying in bed one morning, praying for death to realize that i really would rather die than continue living the life i have now. That was when i gave him the ultimatum. I am now mourning the fact that all our years together seem to mean nothing, and that for all his pretty words of love, he has in fact chosen a game over me, and just does not have the nerve to say it, instead pretending to keep the status quo. I thank you for giving me a place to get this off my chest, it really is wonderful to find a place where i know there are others who will understand and not pepper me with stupid questions of "how can he play so much!!"

[Hologram]

Hugs to you. I understand your hurt and frustration!! For my husband its not into WOW but its SL. But, the point is that they are living in a fantasy world and totally ignoring their RL. I can understand that the fantasy world might be more fun at times, not worrying about bills, job, economy etc... But I think a hug from your spouse is worth more then any thing they can accomplish in a game.
My husband always tells me he loves me too, and I think they do, they are just lost - lost in a game. I have been trying to keep in mind the addiction part of it. I smoke and I understand about addiction. I have made is known there are some things i will not tolerate any more. If he chooses to continue doing these things, then he has made the choice to end our marriage. I have put the ball into his court.
I wish you luck and is not easy to be a widow to a game!

[Sirena]

Why are you waiting a year???!!!! It's been 8 years of this. He is not going to change. Trust me, living with an s/o addicted to WOW is bad for your health. You deserve to be healthy, at peace, and free to enjoy life. It is time to move on. Send him packing!! Maybe when he is alone and realizes what he has lost, he will begin to change.

BTW....

[mishi8055]

So sorry, my lap top and i have not be cooperating or i would have responded sooner. Thank you hologram, i agree, the ball is definatly in their court. I to smoke, and understand addiction, but i make an effort to not let my "issue" affect others. I smoke outside, and make sure to stay away from others so that my habit affects myself alone. Sirena, to answer your question, its for my own peace of mind. I need to know that I tried, that i pursued every avenue i could, before i file for divorce. I was not raised to quit at anything without doing everything in my power to try to succeed, and this way I will be able to look myself in the eye and say that i did my best without being burdened by the doubts of what if i had tried x. Again i am terribly sorry it took so long to respond, im just not as attached to my computer as he is, and went with the mentality of ill fix it when i fix it

[mishi8055]

Thats it, no more posting at 4:30am, i completely forgot to thank you both . I also failed to mention that in therapy we have made some progress, not quite what i had hoped for, but progress just the same. He has admitted that he is no longer happy being married to me, but cannot/will not say why exactly, so we are in the process of setting up to seperate. I am relieved in a way, hearing him say what i have felt to be the truth has some how made this less painful for me, if that makes any sense. I am just happy he's not trying to hide behind lies anymore. Do i believe him when he says he still loves me, yes. But i thinks its the same as i feel for him, i love him, i just don't like him anymore. Perhaps when he is on his own he will wake up, or realize that he is happier that way, either way it will only work out in the way it is meant to, and i will either regain my husband, or i will gain my freedom to find someone to make me happy, but that is up for time and the Gods to tell. I have found so much peace from reading things here that i just want to give a heartfelt thank you to everyone and will continue to seek knowledge and help here.

[annlim21]

OMG~ sounds very simmilar to my husband~! 8 years is a long time.. my husband doesn't help as well... but he grew up like that(his family is generally doesn't care about neatness and organisation).. But the gaming he does(RPG, all fantasy related) exacerbate this 'condition' of his. I think they do it because they want to escape from 'reality'..