Another widow here...

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Another widow here...

Postby rgj123 on Mon Oct 11, 2010 5:02 am

Hi. I'm here because I'm at my wits end. It seems so unreal that my 46 year old husband and father of 3 has abandoned his family to play like he's a pirate. Oh, excuse me Privateer! He played Pirates of the Caribbean online for 6 - 9mos. obsessively - it was a happy day for my family when he beat the game and quit playing. A few days later he came home with the software for Pirates of the Burning Sea and couldn't understand why I started crying at the sight of the box. He's been temporarily laid off from his job and plays 80+ hours a week, when he's working he plays 40+ hours a week. He says I should be glad he's home, not out getting drunk. Six months ago I got rid of our computer, we couldn't afford to buy a new one. This is unbelievable, but one of the other freaks in his "Society" mailed him a brand new computer! I've tried being nice, screaming like a lunatic, turning off the power, begging, reminding him he has children that want more than to look at the back of his head, packing the kids and leaving (stupid me, I had to come back because we had nowhere to go). I finally have given up. I told him I will be going ahead with a divorce as soon as I can get back to work (I'm a stay at home mom now) and that I don't want to hear anymore meaningless "I love yous" from him, no affection, we may be living together but we are separated. Yes, I'm bitter. Also, I'm sorry for the rant, but thanks for letting me get that out.
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Re: Another widow here...

Postby Jonathan on Tue Oct 12, 2010 11:10 am

I completely understand your situation and from what I read you will have the strength to make a fresh start on your own once you get on your feet again.
As far as your busband; He is lost in the gaming and it is a very difficult habit to break because it seems harmless enough.... almost laughable to anyone who has never had to deal with this addiction for themselves or a family member. I let Warcraft get ahead of many of my responsibilities for years before life woke me up and I got clean..lol There is nothing more frustrating than having the person you love place an addiction, whether gaming, drugs or alcohol before a spouse or kids but most of us on this site have had to deal with the same issue. I, like many others here, have made it through what you are experiencing and now know there is a better life once you put your frustrations placed on you from your spouse behind you and move on.

Have faith and keep strong as your best days are ahead of you.
Jonathan
CLIMBING OUT OF THE HELL THAT BECAME MY LIFE...
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Re: Another widow here...

Postby rgj123 on Wed Oct 13, 2010 4:24 am

Jonathan,
Thanks for your support. The night I registered on this site I read your posts and they helped open my eyes. My husband is gone and I don't think he's coming back. Today I took another step towards getting my self and my kids out of this situation - I made an appointment with a counselor. I was lucky she had a cancellation tomorrow so I don't have to wait. I can't let myself be complacent again.
Today we were bickering because I asked him to look up a phone number so I could call about getting food stamps (yes, it's THAT bad here). He kept asking me how to find the number, like this simple request was too hard for him. I told him to forget it and he said "Well I guess I'm too much of a moron to find a phone number!" I told him he wasn't a moron at all, he just doesn't care. I told him when he has a glitch in his game or needs to contact someone about his game he jumps right on that and get's it handled. When I asked him again why he's given up on real life(a waste of breath); he asked me what he was supposed to do with his time. He said he certainly didn't want to spend it with a b&*^% like me. I asked him if his 3 children were "b's" too which caused him to abandon them as well. Surprisingly, he didn't have much to say to that.
Jonathan, I used to have a successful career in the financial industry. I raised my daughter until the age of 5 with no help from her bio-dad or my family. Now my credit is shot and my licenses are lapsed so I can't go back to the career I gave up. I have made so many bad decisions that I'm afraid I can't make enough money to support my children. I deserve everything I get, but my poor kids don't.
It's really good to see that people like you have made it through. I hope I will, too.

rgj
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Re: Another widow here...

Postby Jonathan on Wed Oct 13, 2010 11:21 am

RGJ,
One thing that really was a difficult thing for me and starting over was forclosing on my 5 bedroom, 3 bath house with my new $25,000 pool. I had to start over. Right now my kids and I are living with my brother who can be a bit of a jerk at times and I have furniture made for a master bedroom in a 10 X 11 room. I call it the "Dorm Room". I will admit that I cried the day I closed the door for the last time on my dream house and haven't driven by since I drove away that day. I made the decision to make the best of things and it has been better than I could have ever expected.

TO MY POINT: Starting over can either be a sad time that breaks you down and occupies every moment and thought or an exciting new start of better things to come that puts a smile on your face.... you just have to decision how you are going to perceive the situation. Being positive will change how you react to everything(I read a lot of motivational books during my difficult time). You can't go back and fix mistakes so move forward... try to see how every day brings you a little closer to being happy. There will no doubt be very difficult decisions and days ahead but have faith that you will get through them. As far as the kids... Kids are a lot tougher than most people give them credit for and they will survive this and hopefully learn from some of your mistakes to make better decisions in their life(had that discussion with my kids).

Jonathan

Jonathan
CLIMBING OUT OF THE HELL THAT BECAME MY LIFE...
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