WOW Widow for five years...thought I could wait it out

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WOW Widow for five years...thought I could wait it out

Postby BlueEyes13 on Mon Nov 22, 2010 9:27 pm

Hi. I am new to this site, but relieved to find out that I am not alone. My husband of nearly 29 years has always loved video games, and at times, would go overboard on a new game, but nothing could prepare me for World of Warcraft. I actually installed it on the computer, something I have wished a thousand times I could take back.

He is a good man, works his job, loves his family. He has always been somewhat introverted however. Wow gives him the chance to be "outgoing" without fear of real life consequence. He has been online with Wow since May 2005, now 5.5 years. He is assistant Guildmaster to a woman Guildmaster that he makes sure he plays with constantly. He has had many conversations with her, some of a sexual nature, and I am not supposed to be upset. He has always been a quiet man, but loves to talk with her and others on the headset and keyboard. He says very little to his real family. Our kids are grown and giving us grandchildren now. We know not to bother him if he is on a "raid". He actually screamed and destroyed a door when I incapacitated the computer, trying to help him to see how addicted he has been.

He is usually on at least 18-20 hours a week, but has been known to exceed 35-40 if he was off, say a holiday. I had to go to the hospital a few months ago and he was raiding so would not go with me. I was hospitalized for 25 hours before he showed up, right before a heart catherization. That is when I had to face it. I am no longer alive when he is online, and I am tired of waiting hours, days and weeks for a five minute conversation. If I hear, gold, healing, manna or cataclysm one more time, I think I will scream. With the new upgrade coming out in a few weeks, it will be months before he comes out of WOW hibernation.

He has made deals with me, "let me get to "80", "i am in my endgame, and I will quit, I will cut back". He means it but cannot sustain his promises for long. I cannot understand how a 51 year old man can find all of his happiness in a box and online with people he doesn't even know. I have loved him for most of my life and I do not want to quit, but it feels hopeless. He is online now as I write this.

Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks for "listening".
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Joined: Mon Nov 22, 2010 8:56 pm

Re: WOW Widow for five years...thought I could wait it out

Postby Jonathan on Tue Nov 23, 2010 12:28 pm

Dear BlueEyes,
If you look around at all the other posts on this site you will see that you are not the first and sadly not the last to lose a love one to Warcraft and other online games. I lost my wife to her endless hours of WOW/guild website/forums and eventually a relationship she developed with a teenager (19) she met from her gaming. Your husband has an addiction like any other. Gaming changes not only a persons motivations, goals, and relationships but has been proven to effect frontal lobe brain chemistry if one games consistantly more than 2 hours per day. He is simply an addict.
Many of the people on this site are dealing with, have lost, or are/were addicted themselves and there is only one cure. He needs to change!! You need to help him as much as you can to limit his gaming, stop all together, or unfortunatly your marriage may end as many of us here... in divorce. Seek help where you can find it.. AA meetings, counseling, your children, a minister.. Anyone who can offer assistance in dealing with an addict and let him know how it is affecting you and your marriage. Put your foot down. Hopefully he can wake up.
The most difficult challenge for you is how much you can take and what life do you want? Help him as much as you possibly can and if at the end of things he doesn't want to change, it is up to you to change.

Good Luck, Jonathan
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