reintro!

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Moderators: Psykiblue, Tawnee, Faeril, Lyoness, max

reintro!

Postby Psykiblue on Wed Dec 15, 2010 9:57 pm

I decided since we're getting a lot more members and some of them active that it would be a good idea to reintroduce myself and my situation. I have been a member here since February 2006 when I was then engaged to my husband not married. A friend of mine had talked about the term gamerwidow when I complained to him about my husband's gaming at the time. At the time he was playing 6-8 hours a night on the weekdays and 12-17 hours on the weekends and holidays. Often he'd miss calling me, or ignore the phone all together when we were still long distance at that time.

For the record I am Canadian and he's an American. So it has been a challenge at times to say the least, at the time in 2006 he was a Marine stationed in Quantico with a non deployable unit directly under the president so thankfully at that time we did not have to deal with deployments. His playing time increased/decreased in a pattern and his best friend and barracks roommate quit WoW when he saw what it was doing to him. We got married in June 2006 and I moved down in September and things were ok. In December things came to a head. I screamed, he screamed. I threw things, cried, did it all. I don't know what it was that happened or snapped but it did. He knew he had to prove to me that he could play the game and get off/be reasonable.

I didn't want him to quit altogether I knew it was a source of fun for him and that was fine but the hours he was putting in had to stop. So we agreed that when I was out of house he could play but had to be done by the time I got home he had to be off. It was a bit iffy at first but it worked. Then it graduated to him playing in the house when I was there but not to the degree he had been. In April 2007 I got curious about the game and started playing on his account and that was ok. I set a lot of rules for it and many which I still follow- no more than hour and no raiding etc.

I quit because the overwhelming amount of people who were so focused on raiding/gear etc freaked me out- hubs canceled the account and we were good, I didn't miss it and then we were long distance again so we both got accounts- as stupid as it may sound its something for us to do together while we're apart. We have chars we play together etc. Through it all though he has stuck to his word of getting off when I need him, not overly excessive playing like he had been, and I still don't play all that often, don't care about gear, don't really care about it other then having a bit of fun.

To me that's what any game is about just having some fun but not completing ignoring real life. It took a while for him to admit he had a problem. He didn't want to, would not admit that he had any real issue with it, but now that he can see the way he was, and how he is now he knows the difference.

We have been together for 6 years going on 7 and married for almost 5. What I found that worked for me- putting my foot down, when I said I was going to do something I did it. I told him straight out that I did not appreciate what he was doing and that I would not tolerate it. He wrote a piece for me a long time ago, i'm going to link it here so y'all can read it, and I also let him know about this site, and told him some stories that at the time were current.

Though in reality every story is current, the same thing over and over again. Spouse plays WoW(other video games) too much, other spouse feels neglected, families are neglected. It makes me sad that it is so rampant. I am glad though that I found this site, it was a saving grace for me. So I invite any and all of you to join, post, get to know one another, it can be extremely beneficial and helpful.

As one last thought- Tawnee and I are the most active moderators on here, should you want access to the private forums please PM us for access and we will do our best to accommodate you.

My husband's post can be found here http://gamerwidow.com/blog/husbands-viewpoint/
I object to violence because when it appears to do good, the good is only temporary; the evil it does is permanent.

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Psykiblue
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Posts: 1516
Joined: Tue Feb 21, 2006 5:07 pm
Location: Canada


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