So glad I found this site

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So glad I found this site

Postby amy76 on Fri Jan 28, 2011 6:18 pm

Hi all. My name is Amy, and I'm a game widow. Is that how you are supposed to start?

My husband isn't the 80 hours a week type of gamer, that I know of, but his gaming is a problem none the less so I'm hoping you will still accept me and take me in because I'm really lonely.

He has always played games on and off, mostly casually since I've known him with a few spikes in obsession from time to time. When I met him, he spent a lot of time playing Nintendo Mike Tyson Knock Out, if that tells you how long we've been together (15 years)! lol These are usually fleeting phases and he gets back to his normal routine. But he has found Starfleet Commander or something like that on Facebook. He spends a few minutes on it before work. When he gets home from work, he changes clothes and goes straight to the computer. Sometimes he will eat dinner with us, othertimes he will just eat at the computer. Sometimes if I'm lucky, he will say "I know you like to spend time with me, so I thought I'd come sit by you" and he'll join me in the living room with his laptop. For some reason, sitting on his laptop giggling at the message boards, or cursing at a mission gone wrong makes me even more angry than if he were just sitting at the computer desk. He will play until it's time to go to bed, usually around 11:00 although sometimes he will stay up later. Much time is spent on the weekend playing. When we go to a friend's house, he is on his iPhone the entire time playing the game. I forced him to go out with me a couple of weekends ago and he was on his iPhone.

I have tried to talk to him about it, I've tried the distraction techniques, I even packed my bags and walked out one time. I get the usual feedback which is that he isn't addicted to drugs, he's not out at the bar, he's not banging other women, etc. If someone were charged with assault and went to court and said "Hey, at least I didn't kill them! I could have done worse!", I don't think the judge says "Great point. You are released". Just because he could be doing worse, doesn't mean it's not hurtful. And of course, there is my favorite, "I don't like to watch TV, so I do this instead of watching TV since that's what you like to do." Of course, making it my fault that he plays all the time. When I walked out, he said that it was the most immature thing I'd ever done. We have been late to family functions and appointments because he is "almost done! 5 more minutes to save". Most recently, he promised to take our oldest son skating (he used to play hockey) but arrived at the skating party late due to the game.

The final straw happened today. He works in a state position and was recently promoted into a position of power within government. That's all I can say to protect his anonymity, but it's a big deal to say the least. I too have a pretty good job. Our lives were not always so peachy, we've been near homeless, had bill collectors on our door, etc. We are finally in a position where we can start to realize some of our dreams of travel, nice things, etc. Today I was off work a little early and went to clean the computer desk. The monitor was on and showed his recent posts on the message boards, they were all within the past 8 hours, and the previous hours before that, proving that he is spending his work days playing this game also, which I suspected. I assure you, I did not go looking for this information, I wouldn't even know where to begin. But we are getting ready to move into a new house, one that we can not afford on my income alone if he loses his job. We have two sons who don't spend much time with their father, our oldest who is almost 12 is always rolling his eyes and commenting "Dad's on the computer again. Imagine that."

When I bring this up to him, he tells me that he logs in just long enough to check the status of his ships or whatever the hell they are called and then logs back out. Or he will say that if he just has the screen open in the background, what's the harm in that? And now that he's the boss, in a private office, he really has no personal accountability. I'm personally offended, feeling like I shouldn't have to pay taxes to support him playing video games all day! I have mentioned in passing before that I feel that he could be putting his job at risk, and he just laughs at me and says "Overreact much?"

I don't know what I really need or want here. I guess just to know I'm not alone. He has a couple of ulcers and gets migraines. The stress he is under from his job is huge and I'm sure games are his escape. But, I would like to be his escape sometimes too.
amy76
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Joined: Fri Jan 28, 2011 5:45 pm


Re: So glad I found this site

Postby rambo_zombie on Sat Feb 05, 2011 10:49 am

That's just awful dear...
I understand that it's hard but he needs a serious wake up call. That is putting his job in jeopardy. I read that most bosses and such never want to hire a gamer because they're not reliable. If he's not even letting his own family rely on him then how can he ever be successful in a job?
I hate when people say, JUST LEAVE HIM. Because I don't think that's a good option. But like someone told me, an ultimatum is what is needed. This is a serious issue, like you said, just because it's not drugs or bars doesn't mean it's not just as hurtful.
He's picking to spend time with the internet and games over the person he committed his life too. And that is what is hurtful.
Maybe instead of nagging him just up and leave. If you've explained to him the problems you have and he still doesn't listen then just peace out for something you like doing. If he can ignore you then do the same. I mean... there's not much else you can do.
rambo_zombie
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Joined: Fri Jan 28, 2011 11:31 am



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