SWG

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SWG

Postby JackGriffith on Thu Feb 08, 2007 11:50 pm

I do not know how to start. So I shall start from the start of it. I started Star Wars Galaxies before I met my current GF. I spend the first year trying to download the endless patches for the game. Which for some reason came out more then normal. When I finaly got to play I had to fight the Evil Lag.

Then I got DSL and a new video card which help with playing the game. By this time my new GF move in with me. Which sadly became a Widow due the amount of time I put into the game. She try everything she could do to get me to spend more time with her. Sadly I told her I was spending time with her, because I was in the same room with her. Yes we had fights over the game.

Lucky for me we moved and I am no longer able to play the game. We now fight over everything else that is normal** :evil But i want to return to the game, but this time I don't want the game to control my time. I would like to hear some feedback on this. Is there a way to have the game and yet not put my GF back in the same postion that she was in....
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Postby nerdmatic on Fri Feb 09, 2007 8:10 pm

Um... give her completed control over the router/modem?

Tell her when she gets fed up fo smash it to bits... I have so many times dreamed of doing this myself, in fact I'm contemplating it now.
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Postby Childe on Fri Feb 09, 2007 11:50 pm

Having a healthy relationship always requires communication -- and the more you do in your life without your s/o, the more communication is required to keep you both on the same page. She needs to feel comfortable telling you when she feels ignored for the game; you need to be willing to listen and make compromises. Schedules seem to work for many people -- if the amount of time you play is set in advance, there's fewer arguments later.

I'd caution you against making any promises you don't think you'd be able to keep. So many times, compromises fail simply because one person didn't think it through well enough. After all, saying "I'll only play 1 half hour a day" is all well and good ... until you realize that you can't get anything done in that short period of time and start arguing for more, and end up breaking your promises.

Good luck.
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SWG Cont

Postby JackGriffith on Sat Feb 10, 2007 1:22 am

I am very thankful for any input. Right now I do not have to worry about the game due to where we live at the time. CDC85228 (Sissy)is my game window aka GF, and hope to keep her from going what she went through for the first six month of being together. So please keep the input coming in. :wave
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Postby forgotten23 on Tue Feb 27, 2007 12:20 pm

I would play only on weekends or when your girlfriend isn't at home, so you can spend enough time with her. At least that is what I wish my husband would do if he would stop playing SWG already.
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Postby JackGriffith on Wed Mar 14, 2007 7:35 pm

I still working on the plan. thank everyone on their input. I also know that maybe there is no plan. The only good plan would not to return to playing. So wo know what I will do.. CDC85228 girl I haven't seen your input hun. Being you are the one who will be affect the most by me start gaming again....

P.S
Zoo-kid no Britney Spears that girl need some major help...
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Postby cdc85228 on Fri Mar 16, 2007 4:52 pm

Jack

I am sorry, I was not aware you wanted my input on this, seeing as you know how I feel about the game in the first place.

Ok,

First off, I probably should feel bad because you can't play right now. TO A POINT I DO. I feel bad about it becaues I know that you enjoyed playing. I DON"T FEEL BAD because I don't have to spend every day looking at the back of your head wondering what I could throw at you that would get your attention but not hurt you :p . I want us both to be happy and be able to do things that we enjoy. The plain truth of the matter is, I am not sure how we can accomplish that. We tried setting a set amount of time you would play and a set amount of time you would spend with me. The only problem with that was if you took your time first, you would inevitably go over your alotted time and not even realize it. When I would point it out to you, you would take it as nagging or say I no, I no and continue to play until you realized that I was either pissed off or crying or both. If you took your time second, you inevitably sat watching the clock waiting for the exact second when you could get away from me and go play the game and know that I would not bother you because I had agreed to the deal in the first place. Also, when that deal was made, you wanted me to set a time frame for you to play... I told you that you were an adult and that if you wanted to spend time with me, you would be able to figure that out. I didnt feel it was my place to set that time frame. NOW HOWEVER.... IF it is inevitable that you will play again some day, I think that I would like some say so in that decision. After reading Bloodwrath's reply to what I said in another thread, it obviously can be done if both of us want it. AND IF you decide not to play again, there is no denying that I will be happy about that, but I dont want you to be totally unhappy either. I dont want you to end up resenting me or my kids because we either demand or need so much of your time. I think we definately need to talk more about it. I love you.



I dont know what else to say ... These games take up alot of time, and when we are married, you will technically be stepfaher to my children. Kids need alot of attention as well as I do. I dont want them to ever feel what I felt. We need to talk more and see if we can come up with something that will work, because I dont want you to feel that way either. I also do not want to feel that I am making you do something you dont want to do.

I will be waiting for a reply....


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Postby Xian on Tue May 22, 2007 5:08 pm

Here's an idea to help you quit.

How about I SHAME YOU INTO QUITTING !

WHAT ARE YOU DOING PLAYING, QUITE POSSIBLY, THE MOST F'D-WITH MMORPG IN HISTORY ?

As someone who played SWG since day one, if all the nerfs and CU's etc still have you playing, I seriously suggest you seek professional help.

No sane person in their right might should willingly subject themselves to the steaming pile that Sony ruied.

How can you continue to support SWG with all the transgressions Sony has made against it's player base ?

Ponder this =)
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Postby FarleySC on Tue May 22, 2007 6:06 pm

Probably not the most constructive method of helping someone quit... Good luck all the same with your epic struggle with the game that would never let go. I have been game free for almost a year and a half, and it feels great to be free.
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Re: SWG

Postby sissy1970 on Tue Feb 24, 2009 3:35 am

[quote][/Here's an idea to help you quit.

How about I SHAME YOU INTO QUITTING !

WHAT ARE YOU DOING PLAYING, QUITE POSSIBLY, THE MOST F'D-WITH MMORPG IN HISTORY ?

As someone who played SWG since day one, if all the nerfs and CU's etc still have you playing, I seriously suggest you seek professional help.

No sane person in their right might should willingly subject themselves to the steaming pile that Sony ruied.

How can you continue to support SWG with all the transgressions Sony has made against it's player base ?

Ponder this =)quote]




If that is the best you can come up with.... That Sony screwed up the game for its player base... that is not helping.
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Re: SWG

Postby newlywedwidow on Wed Feb 25, 2009 3:52 am

Some people can stick to schedules and some can't you need to figure out if you have the will power to make yourself only play so much. If you don't then you probably can't play without going overboard. Either you can control it or you can't. Typically there is no middle ground. Once you figure it out, you will be able to accept it and move on. Have you thought about playing a non-online game such as playstation or something like that? Some people have more luck with those, but others can't control this either.
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Re: SWG

Postby Troi on Wed Feb 25, 2009 9:03 am

Well we've come up with a few things so far and they seem to be working, he gets to play his game and I get to spend quality time with him.

We have 'date night' it's a night just for me and him, no game- no kids -no interuptions..we also have a night thats for us and the kids, he raids and plays the game 2 nights a week for his raids and the others are spent 1/2 n 1/2.

Only date night and his raid nights are set everything else goes with the flow.

I have stopped the sulking and ignoring him theme, he never puts the headphones on fully now so he can always hear me, if I speak to him I don't get ignored any more ...sometimes when I walk by him on the pc I'll stop climb onto his knee for a cuddle AND he stops the game and gives me his full attention...I also am back playing the game and we have 2 chars about the same lvl that we only play together, so the game is slowly becoming a fun thing for me again.

The main changes are he is making an effort to show me I mean way more to him than a darn game ( that's all I really wanted)...and I have stopped needing to nag him about it which led to me going quiet, sulking and being resentful. And the biggy is he always comes to bed with me now, no staying up 1/2 the night on the game.

As far as I can see splitting a day/night as in, 'okay you can play for 2 hours and then spend time with me'...nope it'll never work 'cause you're right CDC85228 he will sitting counting down the minutes, seconds until he can play.....

lol I've been there with that 1 and lets just say as we sit here in the old dining part of kitchen on the pcs in my home ..that if a frying pan hadda been out he'd a gotten smacked bloody hard with it that night... lol

I play WOW (2 x 80s & others ranging from 30odd to 71) so I KNOW you don't have to be on it every night, I've never been addicted to it - I see it as a game to play with my brothers 100s of miles away back home and hopefully in the future something fun to do again.

I'm sorry for rambling but I hope it can be a little help to yas

Good luck you 2 :hug
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Re: SWG

Postby sissy1970 on Thu Feb 26, 2009 2:04 am

Hi, I am CDC85222. I had to sign up with a different name, it is now sissy1970. You know, I am so way beyond hating this game. I could not live with him sitting with his headphones part way on and part way off. I would get very angry. He did that and still ignored me. This time around with the game, round 4 he wanted me to play too. He wanted me ingame to be some sort of reminder. I guess to remind him that I am there. I told him no. I told him it was his decision to play or not to play, but also had told him before he decided that there was a good possability that it would end our marriage in the long run. He still chose to do it. I have an intro on the intorduction forum. I am so glad that you are happier, that things are going better for you. I don't think that I will ever have anything good to say about SWG. I hate it. But I can say this, it isn't just that game, when he wasn't doing that, it was the internet, or xbox or even tv. I just get tuned out. And, I hate that too. I have 3 kids at home which are not his, but need his attention also. Anyway, I am glad things are going well for you. Thanks for the input. Would love to hear more from you since you have a gamer who actually plays this particular game. When I first joined, no one knew what it was, it was mostly WoW or everquest. Glad to know that I am not alone.


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Re: SWG

Postby Troi on Thu Feb 26, 2009 6:10 am

Sorry Sissy I forgot to say he plays wow not swg ...tho to be honest I don't think it really matters which game they play just that they play them to excess, we have 4 pcs in this house and wow n call of duty are installed in all of them so everyone in my family plays them...bros back home and him n kids here....

The big change has to be that they are willing to meet you half way... if he isn't then imo nothing you do will ever work, you'll slowly just feel more and more unloved and miserable ... I know that I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off me when all he had done was say that he would try the changes ...he was willing to change for me..to make me happy ...and he was so sorry that I was feeling the way I was because of him ....he loves me and knows to keep me I have to be happy in the relationship ...funny thing is we NEVER fight about anything else lol

He has always told me many times a day that he loves me ....but.. we women need to feel it and see it...imo words are just that words ...easy said n not enough.

So Jack it's really up to you ...you have to make the changes in yourself.....if you can't I really think you need to stay away from online games because I can tell you right now you shouldn't need a 'reminder' that you have a wife and kids in the house when u are ingame.
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Re: SWG

Postby Skarlet on Thu Feb 26, 2009 9:39 pm

Hi! Maybe you can have him play on set days, Sissy, you decide how many days you can "handle". Then you can hopefully get him to send the rest with you & the kids.

I know, I keep delaying having children cause i see no proof that he will spend the time that i think is needed. I wish i could get my SO to do something like this!

Best of Luck!
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Re: SWG

Postby coriander on Thu Mar 05, 2009 12:50 pm

Hey, guys, I'm a noob here. I play several free to play MMOs, but not seriously, I'm not out of the newbie areas in any of them. I would say I spend almost zero time at home on it; it's seriously like 20 minutes every week or less.

I keep trending towards wanting to play an MMO. I've tried to ask my wife to start up WoW with me, because I had some fun with the only 10-day trial I ran in it a year or two ago. She won't, but not that she won't on principle; she plays games sometimes, and she just says it's a kind of game she wouldn't enjoy. (She plays a lot of Sims and things like Bejeweled, Columns, etc.)

Your husband reminds me of me, Sissy. I'm not addicted to an MMO, and there's nothing I play steadily. But the behavioral tendancy is still there. I can get especially wrapped up in the Internet and spend 5 hours without feeling like time has passed.

I feel like I can control the addiction a little more now. What I ended up having to do was a 3-step process:

1) I had to acknowledge that there was some problem. My wife would be emotionally hurt every time I ignored her, and my apologies & promises not to do it again weren't working to fix it. Eventually (it took way longer than I like) I realized that I was doing something that was taking time away from (and actually hurting) my wife, and therefore had to change my behaviour.

2) I had to learn how to override myself. I had to learn how to immediately turn whatever I was doing off in order to pay attention to her. Didn't matter what, didn't matter if it was an MMO I couldn't pause, I had to gain the ability to totally turn it off and shunt full attention to my wife. She has noticed a difference, and she says it's at least easier to talk to me, though I know she would rather we did more things together.

3) I had to actively try to fix the problem by LOVING my wife. I'm still working on this one, but just coming here, reading some of the stories is hardening my resolve to do it. I have to make time, mentally, for my wife. I have to do things for no reason other than I love her, and that before she asks. As all you girls know, roses mean so much more when there's not a fight going on.

I have to pay attention to her, and be proactive in my thinking about her. I have to try and anticipate her needs, and make her feel loved & cared for by providing for them without being asked. ("Will you rub my back, just for a second?")

I have to put her well-being above my own as a general rule. This would be a dangerous thing if she weren't the same way, but SHE IS; therefore I have nothing to fear. If I take care of her, and she takes care of me, we both get taken care of, in every aspect of the relationship.

I realize that I LOVE MY WIFE, for real. I love her more than anyone else on Earth. I love her more than everything else. I love her, and I'm thankful for her presence in my life each and every day; I wouldn't have it any other way at all. Since she is my first priority, I need to MAKE her my first priority, in time, in attention and effort, in physical activity, and in emotional investment.

I still do shady things like try to convince her to play with me, vote hesitantly against weekend activities that don't involve staying home (where the games are), and talk about building a computer. I'm so, so thankful for you guys here, though, because I feel like your stories and the pain you've shared here are more than enough reason for me to quit doing these things.

So like, there is some hope I feel. This addiction is just as real as one to heroin or cocaine, but I feel like there could be more hope in kicking it than in kicking the others.
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Re: SWG

Postby newlywedwidow on Fri Mar 06, 2009 12:35 am

Thank you for sharing that. We have had some gamers and ex-gamers get on here before and let us know that they are changing because of our stories, but there was just something different in yours. Not that it was better or more sincere...I don't even know how to describe it. I wish my hubby would read this. If I were you, I would print this out and show it to my wife. If I found something like this that my hubby said about me...let me tell ya...boo-koo brownie points!
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Re: SWG

Postby cdc85228 on Fri Mar 06, 2009 12:38 am

Wow,

Thank you to all of you who have posted with suggestions. I can say we have tried the whole schedule thing and it did not end well. He said this time around that he wanted to prove me wrong. The first night, he did great. The second nite, well, we got into a HUGE fight over the game. The third night, he played, he took to setting an alarm. When my son called him away from the game to help with homework, he turned the alarm off and went to help. When he came back, I guess he did not turn the alarm back on and when his time was up, he just kept on playing. He looks at me with side glances, and it just really makes me angry. He can not play now because of a graphics card issue. The thing that distresses me is that he is appologetic one minute and then accusatory the next. He says that he knows I am glad he can not fix his computer. That is not true, because even if he didn't play the game, we both go to school onine. I want him to be able to use his computer without all the frustration. But him not being able to play the game due to graphic card difficulty is not the same as him not playing because he wants to spend time with me, because he wants it to be so. I don't think he sees the difference. Things are so strained between us now, that the only way we have a civilized conversation is if we sit in the same room online and use yahoo messenger to chat. I think that is just bizzare. HE says at least we are talking. I don't know. Things just seem to keep getting worse. He told me tonight that he knows I don't care anymore, he said he can feel it. That is so not true. I told him it wasn't true. He asked about dinner and walked out of the room. I am scared. Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated.

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Re: SWG

Postby cdc85228 on Fri Mar 06, 2009 12:42 am

Coriander,

Thank you for taking the time to let us all know things, good and bad in your life. Thank you for sharing with us the things that you have figured out within your life, and whatever games you play. I appreciate it alot. I would love to hear from you again.


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Re: SWG

Postby Joe Gamer on Tue Apr 07, 2009 1:42 pm

Sissy,
before I give you any advice I guess you should know about me. I am the enemy, I am "that guy" who sits on his computer and ignores his SO all day long, my addiction is not any MMO but rather the computer itself, I am endlessly entertained by the computer, playing games, watching movies, surfing the web, etc.. It is has led me to a great career doing what I love fixing computers all day. The interesting thing is that before she moved in I was much more active and social, it is only recently that what was always a hobby before turned into what one might consider an addiction. Anyway now that I've babbled on, my SO hates WoW with unreasoning passion but last time I started playing again we agreed to a deal, I could play any three days a week and only on one day of the weekend, never both. With you having children you might not be inclined to offer up quite so much time, but I thought I'd share an agreement that worked for us in the past. Try not to get angry and yell as that will put him on the defensive and make him resistant to compromise, remember the goal is not to punish him for ignoring you but to build a life together. That was and is a major problem for us, we are always trying to punish each other for our hurt feelings. He needs to accept that he cannot play all the time and you will probably need to accept that he IS going to play, at least until HE finds the resolve to change, you cannot force him. I hope things work out for you guys.
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