Why Your Spouse Hates Computer Games

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Why Your Spouse Hates Computer Games

Postby exgamerdotnet on Sun Aug 31, 2008 7:18 am

*** Cross posted from my Blog at http://www.exgamer.net ****

Now, I’m not stupid, but I just refused to get it for years. I indulged my habit, my pastime, my hobby, what ever you want to call eighty hours a week of compulsive online gaming, for ages. I watched my wife get up for work, earn money so that I could sit at home and play games, and for some unknown reason, let this go on for far too long.

Why does your spouse hate computer games? If she’s like my wife, she hates the ambient sounds, the music, the grunts your toon makes in battle, and the stupid childish way you scream, “Die bitch!” when you kill a tough mob. She loathes the flashy spell effects your World of Warcraft Mage initiates while the love of your real life is asking you to take out the trash or wash the dishes, and worst of all, the wall of silence you throw up when she asks you to come to bed at 2 am.

Why does your spouse hate computer games? She hates them because, if you’re an addict like me, you’ve allowed them to turn you into an adolescent.

My wife is a high school teacher. At the end of the day, for nine long years, she had hoped to come home to an adult who would take an active interest in her concerns, her life, and love her more than these stupid games.

Gaming addiction turns men into children, and while wives can put up with many things, they never signed up to parent their spouses.

It’s just not fair.
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Re: Why Your Spouse Hates Computer Games

Postby Tawnee on Sun Aug 31, 2008 4:43 pm

wonderful!!! :clap
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Re: Why Your Spouse Hates Computer Games

Postby Psykiblue on Sun Aug 31, 2008 5:15 pm

very true.
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Re: Why Your Spouse Hates Computer Games

Postby newlywedwidow on Sun Aug 31, 2008 11:16 pm

I too have felt like I was raising a child (and I don't even want kids). I have told mine that I don't want to be his mother, I am his wife. I hated the game because he wouldn't listen to me. I would talk to him and he would be like huh? He is much better now, but I am still a little angry. He has work to do but he has come a long way.

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Re: Why Your Spouse Hates Computer Games

Postby exgamerdotnet on Thu Sep 04, 2008 9:12 pm

Mother or warden... that's what she felt like all those years. Gawd, I sucked.

:(
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Re: Why Your Spouse Hates Computer Games

Postby Sirena on Thu Sep 04, 2008 10:04 pm

Talk about "hitting the nail on the head"......Great post, ex!! By the way, I've read your blog. I can't remember if you said...what one thing opened your eyes?
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Re: Why Your Spouse Hates Computer Games

Postby exgamerdotnet on Fri Sep 05, 2008 6:50 pm

My addiction nearly drove me insane. I think I caught the hint after I woke up in a mental hospital after taking a huge overdose of prescription sedatives.
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Re: Why Your Spouse Hates Computer Games

Postby newlywedwidow on Sat Sep 06, 2008 2:17 am

Thank God you realized how far you had gone! Glad that you are ok. How is your wife handling things now that you are back?

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Re: Why Your Spouse Hates Computer Games

Postby exgamerdotnet on Sat Sep 06, 2008 2:42 pm

We've got a way to go, but one day at a time. She's very supportive of the Dr. Phil thing - not sure if you're aware that I'm involved in the show about gaming addiction that's taping in L.A. on Sept. 16.

Trust isn't rebuilt overnight. That's the main message. When we start recovery we need to give our partners the freedom to be mad as hell at us until we demonstrate we are trustworthy.

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Re: Why Your Spouse Hates Computer Games

Postby newlywedwidow on Sun Sep 07, 2008 12:28 am

Good answer! Maybe my hubby will get on here one of these days, like he promised, and read this answer. Here's hoping!

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Re: Why Your Spouse Hates Computer Games

Postby bloodwrath on Mon Sep 15, 2008 8:19 am

When is the show airing? I would be interested in watching it.
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Re: Why Your Spouse Hates Computer Games

Postby newlywedwidow on Mon Sep 15, 2008 11:47 pm

They are filming today (16th), but it won't air til later this month. He hasn't said what day yet though.

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Re: Why Your Spouse Hates Computer Games

Postby greenlady1 on Wed Sep 17, 2008 1:40 pm

Ex, you have said exactly it. I don't want to raise a child, I want my husband. Plain and simple!

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Re: Why Your Spouse Hates Computer Games

Postby The_Lily on Sat Oct 25, 2008 6:16 pm

Thank you for sharing that! I don't hate WoW, but I hate is the relationship my significant other has with it. He works 10 hour days 5-6 days a week. Then he comes home and directly goes to the computer. I mean directly. He kicks his shoes off on the way. He plays, and 2-3 hours later I give up and go to bed. He comes in around 3-4 AM. The next day he gets up and does directly back to WoW and plays until the very last second before getting ready for work.

On his days off, he usually wakes up before me and starts playing. A majority of the time he will play all day. 12-15 hours or more at a time. He may occasionally take a 30 minute or so break. Usuaully just enough to eat, use the bathroom, stretch, etc. Even less often he'll go sit on the couch for an hour or two and let me use the computer (I check my business emails, personal emails, Myspace, and a forum or two) and then he's back and has to get back on immediately for a raid or an instance or whatever the heck he does that he HAS to be back on there for.

It's those short reprieves from the computer that he uses to rationalize all the time he spends on WoW. If I bring anything negative up about the game, he immediately goes on the defense and starts throwing out "all" the time he spent off the computer. He refuses to admit he spends the equivalent of a full time job on WoW.

That's our life. How sad is that?

He doesn't understand that it's not the game I hate. It's what it has done to him. It's robbed him of the ability to interact with me. We barely communicate. We don't go out anywhere, and I fear he'll never get it.
Last edited by The_Lily on Sun Oct 26, 2008 3:58 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Why Your Spouse Hates Computer Games

Postby hoodedvixen on Sun Oct 26, 2008 12:15 am

Wow, this topic has been of great interest to me. I can totally identify with all the partners out there and why they hate computer games. The_Lily I wish I had some sage advice for you but I have just started on the forum and I am busy trying to find ways to make things better in our house. I think so far the best thing I tried was reading some of the stories from the forum to my husband, he has since joined and is getting a real rude awakening.He finally understands what I have been feeling all these years. I'm not sure what it is that has changed in him but you know what they say, when you read the truth about yourself it hits home immediately, and I think that is what has happened.
I can agree with you though, it is not the game that I hate but what it has taken from me :cry
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Re: Why Your Spouse Hates Computer Games

Postby The_Lily on Sun Oct 26, 2008 4:05 pm

Hoodedvixen- I've been on the fence about asking him to join here. He's never been much of a message board person. Beyond that though he's become increasingly distant emotionally. I believe he'd read a post that struck a chord in him, deny it, and then close it down and go play WoW. It's escapism for him, from everything.

I am always on eggshells around him. If I try to bring up the seriousness of WoW and how he feels, he immediately shuts down and goes into denial. If I push, he gets pissed off and just chews on the fact that he works 50 hours a week. Of course, if he happens to go to the grocery store or the bank, he'll throw in the fact that he does everything around here.

I'm going to try what you did. Perhaps reading the stories that are identical to his life will ring a bell. Maybe it will inspire something in him?
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Re: Why Your Spouse Hates Computer Games

Postby exgamerdotnet on Wed Oct 29, 2008 9:06 am

Since the Dr. Phil Show aired on October 20, the Canadian media have been chasing after me. This issue is finally resonating, in large part because of the missing child case that has hit the news up here. I've done...

National TV news
A syndicated radio show
A major national (print) news magazine
A national newspaper

...all on video game addiction, focused on my experience and whether this is "real." Also, our local addictions agency have invited me to come speak to their staff.

However, most psychiatrists clearly don't "get it" yet, as evidenced by what the reporters are telling me. I've told any reporter that will listen that these people need to join the rest of us in the 21st century. (I hope somebody has the stones to print that quote).

I know how lonely many of you are. I'm sorry your husbands are lost; I pray they come home soon. You deserve better.
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Re: Why Your Spouse Hates Computer Games

Postby Psykiblue on Wed Oct 29, 2008 9:51 am

There are some who do at least recognize, or at least one.

http://blogs.ukings.ca/thecommoner/?p=515

this was an article I read recently that has to do with I guess therapists realizing that gaming issues are real.
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Re: Why Your Spouse Hates Computer Games

Postby exgamerdotnet on Wed Oct 29, 2008 1:28 pm

This guy is awesome. By the way, he's written a recovery workbook that you can download and buy off his website at http://www.techaddiction.ca for 15 dollars.
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Re: Why Your Spouse Hates Computer Games

Postby skyebaby1 on Thu Nov 20, 2008 10:08 am

My partner has played video games for years, he was playing them when we met 8yrs ago,he has a day job,but plays the WoW from 4.30pm to later than 1.00am Mon/ Friday and weekends, but for six months or so, has been complaining of headaches, fatigue, anxiety when out, he seems to need to get back home as quickly as possible.He also gets very angry while playing WoW, and doesn't want to leave the PC, even to eat, he just heats up soup or munches on biscuits,crisps chocolate .I do feel concerned but he is 49yrs and we have our own homes. I can sense that he doesn't want me there so I think I should leave him to get on with it. My main concern is the change in personality, He is very tense and irratable even appears depressed. I phoned him the other night and he ranted for 10minutes that he had been shaving in the bathroom, he didn't even ask what I needed. Actually he rarely shaves. The anger was all out of proportiion to the incident.
I really would appreciate someone else's opinion.
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Re: Why Your Spouse Hates Computer Games

Postby Beacon on Fri Jan 16, 2009 9:25 am

Exgamerdotnet & Psykiblue – this is Brent from http://www.techaddiction.ca – thanks for the acknowledgement!

I was also chased by the media for about two months during the Brandon Crisp / Xbox tragedy. Eventually I had to stop doing the interviews as it was simply too time consuming. Gaming / internet addiction is one of those issues that can suddenly become “hot” due to a single attention grabbing news story. Of course, then we don’t hear anything about it again until the next sensational story.

I have to agree with you about the psychiatric / psychology communities often not “getting it”. Unfortunately there are still those who question the negative impacts of excessive internet use or gaming. It is sometimes a bit disheartening when I talk to a fellow psychologist whose tech knowledge is limited to email and solitaire. However, I do think this is changing as younger people are entering the profession (and have grown up with videogames) and older ones are starting to recognize the problem.

I’d be curious to know if anyone on this board has tried counselling for this problem and if so, was it helpful?


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Re: Why Your Spouse Hates Computer Games

Postby Psykiblue on Fri Jan 16, 2009 9:38 am

I never tried counseling, I don't think I had to, I somehow got through to my husband but I am considering counseling a career choice depending on how things go. I am in the social work program which I only recently realized can give me a boost in that way, but I'm not totally sure. I have received counseling on seperate issues and what I have found re: it is this, that it always depends on the counselor you go to and how they treat you, if they respect what you're saying and if they are really listening.


when i did my first degree the 2 school counselors were useless. So I had to seek outside help for my anxiety/stress issues and the counselor I found was amazing, here was someone who validated that there was an issue etc. I am leaning towards counseling but we'll see.
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Re: Why Your Spouse Hates Computer Games

Postby newlywedwidow on Fri Jan 16, 2009 11:46 pm

No, I have never tried it because everyone I know who has used it has said the same a Psyk that either they are great or they are terrible. It is like there is no in between and at almost $150 an hour, I can't afford terrible "help." I would rather come here and get what I need from real people who have experienced it. This site has helped me more then anything I could have ever tried. Just a little plug there for us ; )!
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Re: Why Your Spouse Hates Computer Games

Postby EQaddicted23 on Sat Jan 17, 2009 5:53 pm

I have a devil's advocate type question. I know a lot of you say that your husbands are like children when they play these games... now don't get me wrong because I have not played an MMORPG in a long time. When I play video games now, it is mostly Wii sports and I play with my wife. Sometimes I play single player games on PS3, but I try to limit that to less than 5 hours a week. I want to present to you my situation and see what you guys think. Open and honest feedback would be appreciated because I want to improve myself and my relationship with my wife.

I work 40 hours a week and I spend about 20 more hours a week on graduate school courses to get my masters. My wife doesn't work at all and I support her. I feel like at this point it is my wife's responsibility to take care of cleaning our house, cooking meals, and doing the laundry. Does that make me like a child? Every now and then she will get upset because I am not helping to cook dinner and am instead playing a video game. Well, after spending 8 hours working and then 3-4 hours on homework, I kind of feel like I have earned the right to take an hour or two to relax and play a videogame.

What do you guys think? Am I being immature?

Of course, once my wife gets a job I know that I must help with the household responsibilities. I'm not trying to belittle her, I just feel like she should do something productive during the day.

Anyway, know that I appreciate whatever feedback you give whether it is positive or negative... just try to keep it constructive.
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Re: Why Your Spouse Hates Computer Games

Postby Psykiblue on Sat Jan 17, 2009 6:04 pm

Ok, your wife doesn't work, but does that mean you expect her to do the chores but show no appreciation for her? Also, if she's doing all the housework, and isn't spending time with you while you are doing your studies, perhaps all she wants to see if you and to spend time with you.

Have you asked her what is it she wants?

Maybe you could make an effort one evening to make her dinner, to pamper her etc, you have to remember that housework done by women is unpaid and is often one of the most underappreciated positions, the same with child rearing.
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