A chance anew or an impasse?...the talk

This forum is for those of you who are in the middle of or have successfuly beat the addiction. Whether your addiction was gaming, smoking, eating, etc. you are welcome to use this forum to help you get through it or share your story of how you got through it!

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A chance anew or an impasse?...the talk

Postby Afterglow on Thu Nov 27, 2008 3:49 pm

I have a binge and purge atitude toward gaming. When I get to the point that I can't stand being alone I turn to the game. I feel like I have been given a ray of light and if I don't go with it I am going to fall back into the same cycle. Lastnight I made dinner and when my hubby came home I said we need to talk. I ran his time played....it was 154 days! I told him I am tired of the video games the lack of time we spend together ..some days we hardly speak at all..and that I have to have a change. Then the guillt trip ensued..he started saying stuff like ..if you want to take away the hobby I love fine. If you want me to sit here and stare at the wall I will. Gah I feel like I can't win I tried to reason with him I said cut down you don't have to leave it totally (although I must admit that is my eventual hope) I told him lets join a gym a church a bowling league anything to keep us occupied. Im so tired of trying to talk to him and all he can chat about is his guild or some new goal he has for the game..well when he speaks to me at all. I want him to want more for himself ...he applies so much energy to wow. He spends hours doing wow math planning boss strategies and reading forums at work everyday. And all I see is his talent being wasted and he goes to the same job everyday that hasnt given him a raise in three years instead of going to school. By the end of the night I felt like I was a villian. :desk I don't want to take anything from him that he loves. I am just so jealous how can he sit there with those people for hours and hours and hours and not even notice his home his fridends his family...me! Maybe I should have sabotages his pc and not mentioned it. :halohorns
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Re: A chance anew or an impasse?

Postby Whippetartist on Fri Nov 28, 2008 12:02 am

:cry Dear Afterglow,

I wish I could reach through the computer & time to give you a gentle hug. You are not alone. I understand what you are feeling, how difficult it was to talk to your husband, to share your personal feelings about his addiction to the game.

Have you sought counselling?

Counselling, and talking to others here in this forum, has helped me know I am not alone.

Thanksgiving Day, today, I had to come to terms with the fact that I have now lost my nieces & nephews to WoW online gaming. We didn't see them for most of the day, only at breakfast & dinner, as they have spent all holiday doing WoWonline gaming. They stay up all night, gaming online, and sleep most of the day. It was terrible when I realized I lost my nephews to the game. But, tonight, I felt sorrow as I discovered my nieces were involved in the online gaming as well, they are now of age to play along with their brothers & cousins.

What concerns me the most, Afterglow, is when the computer gaming bleeds into a person's job, personal & family relationships, and mental/physical health.
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Re: A chance anew or an impasse?...the talk

Postby newlywedwidow on Wed Dec 03, 2008 12:48 am

Don't let him guilt trip you. Just tell him that maybe if he hadn't gotten to the point that he spends all his time on the game, and managed his time spent on the game better, then maybe you wouldn't be asking this of him. Maybe if he had been responsible enough and been an adult you wouldn't be in this mess. That irritates me to death how they make you out to be the villain when all you want is their freakin' attention!!! AHHH!!! Stick to your guns. Don't let him do that to you. HUGS!
I am worth it and so are you! Remember...It's not how many breaths you take. It's how many moments take your breath away!
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Re: A chance anew or an impasse?...the talk

Postby anansi on Wed Jan 14, 2009 4:33 am

Afterglow, my heart goes out to you.
This is my first visit to this site by the way. I wish I'd know about it years ago. It would have been so good so share with others.

My husband has serious problems with computer gaming. I've generally 'picked up the pieces' and kept finances etc going, making up excuses to family and friends (lying to safe face).

I've recently joined Al-Anon on the recommendation of the counsellor I started seeing. I lucked out and the counsellor I'm seeing is particularly well versed in addictive behaviour. I hit rock bottom and had enough and was/am looking at ways to end my marriage. Though, Al-Anon is a support group for family and friends of alcohol dependents, almost all characteristics that game aholics display is pretty identical to alcohol abusersl. Anybody who's ever tried to come between a gamer and his 'very important battle' will know what I'm talking about.

I haven't bothered my group with expressing that my husband is a game addict rather than an alcohol addict. Though he has had problems with alcohol in the past before discovering games!

Recently a fellow member of my A-Anon group gave me a leaflet called : The Merry-go-round of Denial. Substitute alcohol for computer game and the story resonated so much with me I spend most of the night (I was alone anyway) crying. But it has given me hope, because a solution does seem to be possible, regardless of whether my addict is 'ready'.

Our loved one is obsessed with gaming, we become obsessed with our addict. Not only is our addict sick, we become sick as well.

Hugs for all my fellow members of Gamers-anon.
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