Questions, questions, questions

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Questions, questions, questions

Postby sambabulli on Sun Jan 03, 2010 2:46 pm

My wife is a gamer widow. I've gamed for, off and on, the last 10 years of our marriage.

We have an 8 year old, a 4 year old, a 2 year old and a 1 month old.

Every time I've quit gaming, I got back into shape, and she'd get pregnant within a year of it.

I've worked full time the entire time we've been together, and I still work 7 days a week.

When I'm not gaming, I've worked 2 jobs, trained for marathons, etc.

I've been working on my engineering degree, and she has been working on her business degree.

My wife is a stay at home mother.


With all that said, I've walked away recently from WoW. I've given my account to a friend online, and we made an agreement that he would change the password, and that we were no longer on speaking terms to prevent me from getting the info out of him with pleading, etc. So there is no 'return' for me to that medium.

What bothers me is that problems isn't that I don't help around the house, or work, or take care of my children. I already take the trash out, keep the kids when I'm not at work or school, cook, do the dishes, laundry for her. I tend to her every need and treat her like a queen. I'm sure that's why she's never been mad at the gaming.

The downsides we've had associated with gaming:

I procrastinate and let bills fall until they're past due. We've had some financial difficulties not affiliated with gaming most of our married life. Such is the life of a couple that lacks post secondary educations, we're working on solving that issue.

I've gained weight when I'm gaming, and generally know that I'm not healthy. I put off running, working out, etc when I'm playing the game. For me, this is the major reason I've given it up entirely.

The one thing I've noticed that makes me upset though, is this one simple thing - when I'm not gaming, I'm focused on all my real world problems 100% of the time. I work harder, do more and to be honest, I still don't feel like going out and socializing any more than my wife. I'm blunt to the point of offensive, and I think there is nothing more pathetic than someone who drinks, smokes or sleeps around. SO when I'm not gaming I tend to call things how I see them at parties, etc. I really am the life of the part.

I've had drunks walk up to me and try to be funny, and my only comment is "Aren't you stupid eh? Don't like to think much eh? Got something rubbing you wrong so you turn to the sauce to solve your problems eh?"

I have people smoke around me and my only instinct is to want to piss on their leg. I mean, after all, they're invading my space with their waste, why should I have to be the one to be polite?

I see wives I know flirting, trying desperately to get attention from other people at functions and I just love to ask them "How's your husband doing? Does he know your gonna sleep with this guy cause you lack self control?"

I get offended by the television, because when I'm not gaming I realize that the television is just as addictive as gaming. It is the same concept, and does more to remove us from reality and honesty than gaming.

I read comments, and talk to people every day who tell me "the reason gaming is bad for my son/daughter is because they're not going out and hanging out with their friends, and having a good time...they're just sitting there gaming." And I have to point out to them that when I was a teen, we didn't have anything but Nintendo which wasn't that popular just yet, and all we worried about was sleeping around and sleeping around. I point out to them that what they're really saying without realizing it is "I want my kid chasing skirts, not pixels." But I also point out the moment their child comes home with a baby or VD they'll be pissed. "How dare you do this to me!"

We're all good hypocrites. What I notice when I'm not playing video games is that the world is full of people with an agenda; they want and they don't want any filter blocking what they want. The same person that they're bother with who games instead of paying attention to their children is still not going to give that child attention, even if he's not gaming. The game isn't the problem, it's the person.
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Re: Questions, questions, questions

Postby Tawnee on Sun Jan 03, 2010 5:00 pm

Hmm, where do I go with this one?

First, it's great that you gave up gaming. Did you have to give it up? Did you play too much? Couldn't play moderately?

Second, well...

I drink, I love to drink. I really enjoy a good bourbon. I have been drunk at parties. I think I'm helrious :lol I don't get drunk all the time.

I smoke. I know it's bad for me and yes, I'm a social outcast because of this. I do not smoke in my house, car or near other people. I dispose of my butts carefully and don't litter. People that do are rude but surely dont deserve having someone piss on their leg. That is rude.

Hmm, I have been known to flirt. Doesn't mean I wanna go home and sleep with them. I have a dear girlfriend that flirts. She has been happily married and like you has 4 kids. She has never slept around. In fact her husband is her one and only.

The next one really gets me. I don't want my son to play computer games all the time. I am certainly NOT saying without realising it "I want my kid chasing skirts, not pixels." Guess they didnt have sport, the beach, movies, school activities where you grew up? Should I let him get hooked and live an antisocial life to stop him getting a girl pregnant. Maybe I could just invite his mates over, take him to the movies and just talk to him about safe sex!

You must not have very nice people near you if everyone you know has an agenda. Your outlook on life is very sad and warped. Maybe even paranoid. I have certain things in life that I want and I don't call that having an agenda. Its called having goals and dreams. I don't use people to get them. I don't hide them.

The post made me sad that someone could judge others around them so harshly. You don't know peoples stories. Maybe the guy that got drunk was celebrating something special or drowning his sorrows over something bad. Not everyone is hard, cynical, blind to life and has their own agenda and doesn't care about others. Just a quick peek on this board and you will see people here, helping other people, letting them vent - where is their agenda? There is no pay, its anoymonous, nothing to gain but to hopefully help other people.

I don't wear rose coloured glasses (I have seen way too much for that) but I also hope that most people are just like me. With flaws and all but generally kind hearted.
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Re: Questions, questions, questions

Postby sambabulli on Sun Jan 03, 2010 7:15 pm

Tawnee wrote:Hmm, where do I go with this one? First, it's great that you gave up gaming. Did you have to give it up? Did you play too much? Couldn't play moderately?


It's a wave thing with me. I like the game, but when it starts to get too much control over me, in the past - I've just put it down for a couple months. Usually I find a reason, validation, for being able to go back and play.

But in the end, there is no moderate amount of play in a game like WoW.

By its very design, it is made to be addictive. I could go on and on, sighting various theories, and in the end come up with a long winded version of the simple fact: Most games are designed to cycle and keep the player there, playing. Commerce thrives on repeat customers.

I drink, I love to drink. I really enjoy a good bourbon. I have been drunk at parties. I think I'm hilarious :lol I don't get drunk all the time.


I don't know you. So maybe your a cute drunk, maybe your the ultra-sexy drunk. Maybe your the angry, moppy drunk. But in the end, we do not drink because it has a tangible benefit, we drink to forget. To get away, escapism. Honestly, if a guy isn't thinking with his dick - then the sight of a girl with diminished mental capacity, limited rationalization who is seeking to forget isn't attractive. It's not even kind. It's sad. I've watched people vomit on each other, I've seen girls crawl down a hallway in a hotel room, losing their clothing along the way. In the end, it wasn't very appealing. I'd hate to see even my friends do this. It's really only attractive until 5 seconds after the deed is done, then the drunk is ready to pass out and the other person feels more awkward than normal. Trust me, I've been in both positions, neither flattered me enough to want to continue to repeat it.


I smoke. I know it's bad for me and yes, I'm a social outcast because of this. I do not smoke in my house, car or near other people. I dispose of my butts carefully and don't litter. People that do are rude but surely dont deserve having someone piss on their leg. That is rude.


Yes, pissing on your leg would be rude. Smokers don't realize the long-term affect on others around them, they really don't. Former smokers tend to be the keenest victims of this knowledge. Fact, it stinks. No, not a little. A lot. I mean bad. Gag reflex bad if you chain smoke or hotbox. Its expensive, and watching someone sift through an asstray and then put a butt into their mouth and try to get 'that last little drag' is degrading. You don't have to smoke in your house, mo name, the tar is in your hair, teeth, skin, nails. It filters through your body and even your urine carries it. There isn't a way to 'dodge' these facts. I'm a former smoker when I was younger, I promise you I know these things. Butt disposal is another issue. Perhaps you do dispose of every single butt by first drowing it in water to make sure it is out and then personally placing each, and every one into a dumpster.

Hmm, I have been known to flirt. Doesn't mean I wanna go home and sleep with them. I have a dear girlfriend that flirts. She has been happily married and like you has 4 kids. She has never slept around. In fact her husband is her one and only.


I digress here, I've read so many different stories by people about 'emotional affairs' that perhaps I see mentally lusting after someone. There is no nice angle on this, and I promise you my post wasn't meant to offend. I'll leave this one be simply because I have a feeling I could do more harm than good mentioning it.
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Re: Questions, questions, questions

Postby sambabulli on Sun Jan 03, 2010 7:16 pm

I don't want my son to play computer games all the time. I am certainly NOT saying without realizing it "I want my kid chasing skirts, not pixels." Guess they didnt have sport, the beach, movies, school activities where you grew up? Should I let him get hooked and live an antisocial life to stop him getting a girl pregnant. Maybe I could just invite his mates over, take him to the movies and just talk to him about safe sex!


I don't want my sons to play computer games all the time either. But I'm also not going to blind myself to believe that social activities have nothing to do with finding a mate. Afterall, we're animals, why people try to imply otherwise. I played football in high school. Do you think for a moment that the girls in short skirts weren't placed there to cheer for a reason? I'm not saying its bad. I'm saying its stark reality. We go to the beach to see scantly-clad women and men, to swim and have fun. But I promise you the voyeurism is there. Movies are about imagination, and its no coincidence that the actresses aren't 500 lb. women, and the men all don't look like Mr. Bean. We all know in the end its about balance, but many of the social activities people suggest for teens ARE suggesting that finding a mate is more important than other things. For me, personally, the safe sex message will have to be made, but I'm hoping to convince my son that school and a future are more important that putting a condom on to shag a pretty girl, wish me luck that that message gets through - I personally doubt it will.

You must not have very nice people near you if everyone you know has an agenda. Your outlook on life is very sad and warped. Maybe even paranoid. I have certain things in life that I want and I don't call that having an agenda. Its called having goals and dreams. I don't use people to get them. I don't hide them.


You do have an agenda if you have a series of goals and dreams. I never said there was anything wrong with that, I said its wrong to imply that you want someone to give something up for their own good when 'their own' is still yours. Many of the people I see posting here seem to be trying to skew the fact that they want something and they want someone else to give it up for them to have it. All the other details are that, details. As far as my outlook on life, it is a bit paranoid actually. I can't think of the last 15 people I befriended who didn't ask me for money, my time, my ex-wife, et al. I see a true mental sickness in any person that goes through life NOT being a bit on guard. Mind if I hang out at your house tonight? I didn't think so. Why not? Paranoid? My point is in the finite details. Nobody is nice. Nice is a selling point. I can be kind, humble, humane, many things. But those things require me feeling an emotion and eliciting a response. Nice is only another of those variables. No matter what I do, I try to be honest. That's my variable. I hate liars.

The post made me sad that someone could judge others around them so harshly. You don't know peoples stories. Maybe the guy that got drunk was celebrating something special or drowning his sorrows over something bad. Not everyone is hard, cynical, blind to life and has their own agenda and doesn't care about others.


The post was merely my stating my views; your post was you stating yours. I respect them, truly. Sadly, I will always judge people harshly. it has nothing to do with games, drinking, smoking, or any other variable. It has to do with what I've seen in my life.

The man celebrating who killed 5 in a mini-van on their way to the mall.
The mother of two stripping on her front porch while at a block party, and the uncomfortable look of others as she 'tickled' the nose of one of the husbands with her tampon string (I kid you not)
The girlfriend who tried to burn down the house of the couple who told her that her boyfriend was sleeping with the next door neighbor, only to get into a love triangle with the 'new girl'

This, this is 'human nature' at its finest. We try so hard to boil down life to something higher than the filth that it truly is. Those things that happen behind closed doors, that we close our eyes to and avoid discussing are more 'blind to life' than hoping and praying that we win the lottery, or we find that perfect mate. This is how the companies win, and you become a bigger victim. Do you think WoW exists because of some cynical, hard edged reality they create with pixels? Of course not. Its about success, redemption, triumph and the greatness of the pixelated human spirit. Men, women, boys and girls don't play it to be mean, they play to avoid the harsh realities around them. Life's hard. It's not fair. But you still get up and smile and nod at the sun. You put on a pair of running shoes and go do 5 miles while everybody else sleeps. I'm not a mean person. To the contrary, I'm just not delusional. WoW was a time sink for me. It was always something to pass the time so that I didn't worry about bills, bills or bills.

But everybody still has an agenda. Otherwise, they're living for someone else. And if that is true, then they honestly are victims beyond help.
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Re: Questions, questions, questions

Postby Tawnee on Mon Jan 04, 2010 1:47 am

Toatally agree on games being designed to be addictive.

Wow (no pun intended). You really do have shitty people living near you. You should move :lol

I am a 40 yr old single Mum. I have seen much, dealt with many and loved lots. The shit they you say people are blind to, I have lived. My oldest son's father drowned when he was 18 months. Severe PND with the second. Abusive ex. Looking after my Mum while she died from the big C. I work in a hard and stressful job which deals with all sorts of people. I thought I was very cynical because I deal with people lying all the time too ( I have paid the rent, my dog died, the bank stuffed it up). I personally hate liars too.

But....

I have so many lovely people that I choose to have in my life. I have never seen any of the shit you have. But then again I probably would have taken the drunken woman away before she could humiliate herself that much. Got the drunk a cab. I abhore drink driving, same as everyone else in my life (designated drivers FTW).

Society is very sexual no doubt about it. I send my sons to private school and try to instill morals. I don't leave it to others to bring up my kids. Thats MY job. We communicate. My oldest is 20 now and works full-time, bought his own car, doesn't smoke or do drugs, social drinker and has never been in trouble with the law.

I don't think I smell. :arch I ask my non smoking workmates if I do and they say no. That is not them being polite as I deal with clients and need to bring in new business so if I stunk then it would not be good for business! Maybe only smoking outside, washing my clothes daily and showering helps. I know I smell if I have just had one.

I still do not think having dreams and goals is having an agenda. Maybe its semantics. I have many friends that have not asked me for anything. My best g/f has. But over 15 yrs of friendship I have asked her as well. I certainly don't feel used and abused.

Maybe it's where I live? I dunno. We are alot more relaxed and laid back in Oz. We offer help to mates, so maybe people don't need to ask. I moved house a yr ago and didn't ask anyone to help me but I had 10 willing friends over at 7am that morning.

Beacuse I don't invite a stranger to my house doesn't make me paranoid, it makes me smart :lol Thinking everyone out there is out to get you and yours, that everyone you make friends with only wants something from you, that your child WILL get someone pregnant is paranoid.

Chill, relax, enjoy life.
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Re: Questions, questions, questions

Postby Djorn on Wed Jan 06, 2010 11:31 am

Hello hello.

Congrats on quitting (again.) You seem to relate a lot of things to not gaming, i dont think they are related at all. You game, you don't game. You have more free time.

The other things you talk about, I can understand you being pissed off, but im not sure what it has to do with gaming?
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