Counter Strike (FPS) Widows! Time for Revolution!

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Counter Strike (FPS) Widows! Time for Revolution!

Postby DerMusso on Mon Jul 19, 2010 6:45 am

Here is a message to all of you sisters, whose dreams of happiness have been shattered by Valve.
All of you who sight in silence every night, turning the volume of the tv up to cover the team speak gargles and diverse explosion noises.
All of you who hear "reload" more than "I love you"... No, CS widows of the world, you are not alone.

Well, tonight, as usual, the cheerful sound of the machine-guns welcomed me back home after a long and painful day at work.
No, I am neither married to Tony Soprano nor a NRA prime member... I am just one of an ever growing number of CS widows...
"Honey, I'm home !!"
The reply, mumbled and unconvincing:
"Hi babe."
The bleary eyes, riveted to the flat screen, the twitchy fingers on the three-days-worth-of-wages keyboard, the manic mechanical squeaking of the agonizing mouse, the pearl of sweat in the temple, the clenched jaw... Here is what people amusingly call "my better half". Hum, let's pass on that one.
He's not nobody my man... Today he is a Spiderman terrorist. Well, maybe, couldn't tell you exactly... It's not like I actually pay much attention when, in unexpected attempts to communicate me his enthusiasm without typing it, he tries to explain to me, balanced earthling, what the hell he's doing 6 hours a day. (That's when we are lucky)
Diverse wrappers, empty crisps packets and cans of red bull indicate me that he moved at least as far as the kitchen today. He mentioned once a mini fridge for his desk, but I insist on him having enough exercise to prevent the muscles of his legs to atrophy. But there, who knows, there are little wheels under the feet of his chair. Hopefully, we'll never have to deal with real terrorists... He'd have to click them to their death, 'cause I don't think he could run for his life anymore...
CS widows like me know it too well: There is nothing that couldn't wait till the end of that round. Not even the promise of kinky interaction.
"Go ahead and warm it up while I finish to frag that nOOb"
Fire in the hole alright

I never quite got the thing with hardcore gamers. Who are those pro gamers? Aren't they the ones with even less of a life than the others? Are they remarkable for being awkward (and often ugly) sociopaths?
I started my gaming life with a NES my cousin got for his Xmas. It started on the wrong foot straight away.
I will never forget him, making fun of me in public with his smug little laugh. He put me off dogs as well, but it's another story.
This would always end up with the sound of plastic gun banging against the tv screen and my uncle shouting something about his toes and our cuddly parts...
Later on, I was given a Canon Msx thing, which I never quite got round to use. After entering codes for three hours, the view of that little colored square can depress some, the ones who really believed they would make a pixie appear... I went back to make Barbie ride my little pony for a while longer... Who would have said then that I would have married an Uber Gamer? I didn't quite realized it at first, you know, when you move in together and everything is just perfect and the broadbands are still waiting to be connected to your love nest... And then it happens, and before you know it, you have to sign in IRC to ask him if he'd like some parmiggiano in his Bolonese...

The best is that he doesn't even realize the difference between real world and Geekdom.
When I tell him I need more social life, he gives me The Sims, when I say I need a new job, he gives me ChampMan...
For our anniversary last year, he reformatted my PC... That refreshed our relationship alright.
Just kiss my usb port, will you dear.

CS widows, please pay attention!!
Here is a list of tricks that I use to get my geek moving around the house.
1) The DIY:
That mirror you bought last year in Ikea is still lying on the floor of the bathroom?
Well, there are two simple answers to that: Do it yourself or buy the man some fancy tools.
You surely noticed it by now, he likes his artillery. Invest on some cracking futuristic multifunction drill or electric saw and look at him go!! (You may have to pretend that this is a magic mirror that can trap souls of
Counter terrorists...) Same with the gardening, get the man a chainsaw or a drivable mower and put a tape player with samples of mines exploding. If he has to prune the trees, dress them in combats. Keep him going by shouting, "Fire in the hole" every so often and reward him with the music of Apocalypse Now and a caffeine drink.
2) The cleaning:
The same rules apply there... Introduce him to the washing machine. You should easily get his attention with one of those fancy numbers with loads of buttons and programs. Tell him he has to find the combination to save the terrorist hostages’ clothes. Should work. Get him to do the shopping online for war rations. Pretend the counter terrorists have sprayed the flat with Intel dust and prompt him to remove it for the sake of the operation...

So girls, it’s time we speak our minds about those dorks we share our life with, the counter-strike to Counter-Strike. Together, we’ll one day have the strength to pull the plug (or to forget to pay the internet bill).
More of the Resistance plans very soon....
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Re: Counter Strike (FPS) Widows! Time for Revolution!

Postby saltychip on Tue Jul 20, 2010 3:13 am

is this a joke lol? I foundthis pretty funny. If it's actually true though thats kinda sad. Dump his ass in my opinion lol.

Then :clap
My story on how I beat the addiction to WoW
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