Hard Times... Reaching Out...

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Hard Times... Reaching Out...

Postby Shadow Guest on Sat May 09, 2009 9:10 am

I know this isn't exactly the proper place to discuss such a life issue, but while I'm in the process of seeking professional help, I need somewhere to turn--and I've come to trust the intellect and genuine caring of the people of this forum.

Be warned, however. This is widely a very political and moral issue. Its not my intention to offend anyone with my words or actions. You may express your beliefs to me if you wish, which I will respect regardless, but no one needs to make me feel bad if they don't agree. And I doubt anyone could make me feel worse then I already do. And if this type of post is deemed unacceptable, I'm sorry and I'll remove it.

....





So, here it goes. I had an abortion. When I first found out I was pregnant, I was actually really excited. Yes, a lot sooner then I had originally planned, but I was with a great person and was fairly confident we could do it. What better motivation in life then that of a child, right? Well, I told my boyfriend, best friend and my mother. We all had a round table discussion of all the options. Once the word abortion was uttered, the three of them leaped on it like a pack of starving hyenas. Myself, feeling scared and unsure, naturally, I could understand all of their like feelings and perspectives. My boyfriend was worried about us, being a young couple still with dreams in progress. My best friend was concerned with my age, kindly reminding me and droning on every single mortal fault I possessed. And my mother, aside from general concern for me, was worried mostly about finances. But I still didn't want to have the abortion.

I had to fly home to my mother and best friend while my boyfriend remained behind because of school. We constantly discussed everything day in and day out, but the appointment was still made. I cried countless times and continued to plea my case. I was scared out of my mind and I can't deny that the idea of making it all go away was appealing, but I knew in my heart what I believe was right and what I wanted--I just wished I was stronger. They said they would support me regardless, in rather begrudging manners. They said it once and never explored the concept whatsoever. Ultimately, I feel like coward for not telling them all off and saying the baby stays. I was just scared and confused, but that’s not an excuse. I was still the one who signed the papers. I had to have anesthesia. There was no way I was staying awake for anything, I would have literally gone out of my mind. The experience was horrible, both physically and mentally. It took me a couple of weeks to react, I eventually became completely emotionally numb to all of my relationships; became severely depressed, proceeded by crying fits and mental break downs; And most recently, hostile (just verbal) anger and resentment towards people.

Now I am left in regret. Everything has become colorless and obsolete to me. My one year relationship is beginning to fail. I know I'm second to his school, but he really seems to enforce that, on bad days I feel third to gaming. I'm becoming tired of his excuses for everything, extreme forgetfulness, lack of effort, and over all self concern. I encouraged him to make an account here awhile ago, he was excited to post and learn. But of course, like everything that isn't gaming, it was just fleeting for him. Even if I strongly hint that I posted here, it would be so beyond him to check unless I said it straight out--he'll probably never read this. Heck, the relationship with my mother and best friend isn't that great either. I know I still love them all, but I'm having so much difficultly just trusting them, let alone forgiving them. They all feel some mild form of guilt, but for people who had all the "answers" then, they don't seem to now. After thinking about the situation, it seemed as though the child didn't receive the unconditional love from my family of three simply because it wasn't planned to be wanted in the first place, turning it into solely politics. I feel like I lost my dream of ever wanting children in the future. The idea of ever becoming pregnant again is absolutely traumatizing and I feel like I would have no love for any child at this point.

I don't know what to do anymore. I feel unable to forgive myself, feeling as though I can't rationalize or simply cope with something I consider the biggest mistake of my life. I've been told I need to choose to be misrable or go on with my life--where? In happy, forget everything bad, make believe land? I've searched every corner of the internet to no avail. Pro-choice people are very detached and reject the idea of most post grievances certain people feel, thinking that everyone who aborts really wanted the procedure and had no attachment to the situation and that the only feeling afterwards is relief. And yes, while Post Abortion Stress Syndrome (also known as PASS) has never been proven to exist (which I agree with), Post Traumaticn Stress Disorder (PSTD) does and will affect a lot of people in this situation. I remember going into the hospital and they kept using the word "terminate" like I had a pest control problem. For the religious groups I encountered, I was assured that the only way I could heal was through God--right after they handed me a pamphlets of destroyed fetuses and happy family portraits, using guilt and fear and essentially making me feel like a murderer. I'm not religious for various reasons; I respect all religious beliefs, but not all the people I encounter that practice them. In forums, all I could fine were the most hopeless posts like my own with about a dozen responses of solely "We understand. Hang in there!" followed by their signatures of three to five memorials to their aborted children saying "Mommy loves you." None of these struck me as right at all. I'm not left or right, I'm pro practice your rights and own beliefs (possibly without being imposing to others), be it any direction or none at all. I want to be like before, I want be happy and enjoy my life--I can't help but try and reach out, but at the same time I don't know if I can forgive myself. I'm just so tired at this point.

Sorry for the long post...
Last edited by Shadow Guest on Sun May 10, 2009 8:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Hard Times... Reaching Out...

Postby Psykiblue on Sat May 09, 2009 11:23 am

First of all :grouphug :hug

You're feeling guilt, you made a mistake, its true and in time you'll learn to forgive yourself. Take it in small baby steps, the key to your recovery does lie within yourself, not anyone else.

You aren't choosing to be miserable, you are grieving, have you looked into grief support groups in your area? Online? There may be communities online that can help you, I know that livejournal has a variety of groups. Start journaling as well, online, paper whatever it takes, just start writing, I know that it seems trite but writing can help you deal with things in a good way. It doesn't matter what you write, maybe set some small goals for yourself, and then write about it, write about the good days and the bad days.

I know there seems like there's no hope or light at the end of the tunnel but there is. If you need to talk to someone whose willing to listen PM me and I'll give you my yahoo or msn or even my email, or just write me a PM. You are not alone, you have your friends and family and your disconnect? Its perfectly normal. You also have us, here. You can get through this, just give yourself time to heal. Whoever told you that you have to choose to be miserable or happy should be kicked in the shins really hard. That's the most noncomforting thing someone could say to another human being.

<3 :hug :grouphug
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Re: Hard Times... Reaching Out...

Postby newlywedwidow on Sun May 10, 2009 5:11 am

I feel for you. I too have noticed that whether you are pro-life or pro-choice, no one wants to meet in the middle and be there for people during this trying period. The only person that can make you feel better is you. It will take a while for you to forgive yourself, but eventually you will. I am glad that you do not hold entire religions at fault for what certain people choose to do. They should have never given you those pamphlets. Why make you feel more guilt when you already admit you made a mistake? I encourage you to continue to post here. Let all your feelings out. Do not let them stew inside of you. This will result in bitterness and even more emotional disconnection between you and everyone else you have relationships with. True, they pressured you into it and maybe you should let them know that you do not appreciate that, but at least one is family and the other one may as well be so you need their emotional support right now. Be honest with them. Let them know you feel guilty and that you felt pressured into it. I am a firm believer that the more you talk about it the easier it will be for you to handle. Like I said, I feel for you and encourage you to come here and talk to us if not anyone else. We are here for you! *HUGS*
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Re: Hard Times... Reaching Out...

Postby MaryBraveBird on Sun May 10, 2009 6:29 am

I'm sorry for what you had/have to go through. So you are seeking professional help? Because it sounds like you are really depressed and could use some help in dealing with all these feelings you have. I hope you find a really good therapist.
Have you talked to the three people involved in pressuring you into this? Do they know how you feel about what they did? If they know you so well, and if they love you, they should have paid more attention to how you respond to the idea of abortion. Just because they thought it's the right thing to do (right for whom? you or them?), doesn't mean they can ignore how you react to the idea. It must have been obvious that you are not convinced that this is the right decision. What about doctors? Did they talk to you about it? Did you have something like a councelling session?

What I didn't find out in your post is how old you were when this happened and how long ago this happened. If you don't want to tell, that's ok :)
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Re: Hard Times... Reaching Out...

Postby Shadow Guest on Sun May 10, 2009 12:15 pm

Thank you all for your understanding and kind encouragement. I was honestly really nervous about posting here, it feels like I have to be cautious everywhere because if people found out I may getting treated differently and judged. Only a few in my inner most circles know. And its nice to talk to out side observers who weren't involved.

Pskyi: Since I'm going back home that's where I'm going to get my help, likely from a trusted therapist I had been seeing previously. It's hard being down in another state with my boyfriend where we don't really know anything about the community services. Heck, we visited a clinic down here that was an absolute shack. I've been a part of group therapy (for depression) and it really wasn't helpful (nor did I feel comfortable, I have social anxiety too.) but I've been searching the internet for somewhere I might feel okay--I'll take a look at LiveJournal, I use to post there a long time ago.

Emotionally, I'm just completely lost. Any happiness is fleeting and if its extended, a little voice in the back of my head reminds me of what I did and I just dissolve back into misery. I feel like I deserve it, not only did I not want to give up the baby, but it was against my moral belief long before this happened. I feel like a disgusting hypocrite. And every time when I hear "it takes time to heal" all I can think is that it just really makes it easier to forget and become distracted. I just don't know how I'll forgive myself and let go, or if I even can.

And thank you for your offer, I greatly appreciate it.

Newlywed: Growing up I was surrounded by a lot of friends who were deep in different religions. I don't always agree with certain practices, but that's just me. My dad was Catholic, converted Christian and eventually said he wasn't anything, he held himself by good morals (some his own and from his previous religious practices) and that he didn't need books or pastors to make him feel connected to or loved by God. Its people who protest soldiers funerals or, well, hand out pamphlets in front of clinics--don't agree with war, that's fine. Don't agree with abortion, also fine. Those actions taken, not.

A lot of people don't talk about women suffering from the after effects because some believe that the problem doesn't exist and we're generally taboo to society anyways. I remember telling my mom that now I'm just a statistic and moral/political debate, I feel like somewhere I lost my humanity in the eyes of others.

Mary: All three are usually up to date on my feelings. As much as I can resent and wish not to speak with them, I often feel like I'm drowning, so I'll reach out to who ever is around. During the time I was trying to reason with them I thought I made myself quiet clear about how I felt. Now they all feel partially at fault and as though they didn't completely understand me before. I often express that everyone just pushed for their own conveniences. I just feel like I made a huge mistake, I don't think I'll ever think otherwise--but it makes me question going forward, I don't know if I can recover from it. The doctors weren't helpful at all, they only discussed check ups and procedures and asked me once if I was sure about this. Otherwise they were all just chipper in attitude, which I found infuriatingly annoying. I had one of the nurses ask me while I was still pregnant if I still planned on having children later. Yeah… not cool at all.

This happened a couple of months ago, a couple of weeks before my 19th birthday…
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Re: Hard Times... Reaching Out...

Postby Tawnee on Sun May 10, 2009 3:54 pm

Shadow :hug

I has one too. And one I didn't want. I already had one child (while single) and when I had been married for 2 years (different man) I found out I was pregnant.

This should have been a happy time for me. Compared to my first pregnancy, I was now married to a man I loved, we had bought our first home etc I was very happy. But he didn't want it. He loved me (and I still totally belive that he did) but we had a child each from previos relationships and he didn't want anymore kids.

It took 3 weeks for me to have one. My thought procéss's are a bit fuzzy as thyis was years and years ago but I think the decision was based on the fact that it would change and maybe even ruin my marriage to go through with it. I remember screaming in my kitchen with frustration and the choice I had to make.

I went ahead with it. It ruined my marriage anyway. I couldn't forgive him. We split up about 18 months later and he KNEW the real reason. And to make it worse he was begging for me to come back and said that we could have another baby. I told him that it wouldn't bring back the one I killed.

I know exactly what you are going through. It does get easier. You do learn to forgive yourself. Take care of you and see a councellor.
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Re: Hard Times... Reaching Out...

Postby Shadow Guest on Sun May 10, 2009 8:31 pm

I ended up going in right before the end of my first trimester. I think what really started messing with my head was when the date kept getting pushed back--like there were signs. First in Florida, I got so stressed I accidentally went a week earlier then my scheduled appointment--where I encountered the protesters who saw me. They had given me pamphlet before I went in, saying they’d hope I'd think about it and then said they'd pray for me. I came out crying (and since I was only in there are a short amount of time) they started thanking me and telling me I made the right decision. The clinic was terrible, formerly a house. There were so many people. We had walked a ways, called a taxi and passed by it--our driver commented that it was always packed to the rafters (and it was, with young couples who seemed to care less, I was the only crying.) When I came home to Maine, my appointment got canceled twice because of snow storms. Then everything become last minute, if I didn’t do it then, I missed the window.

Its been such a hamper on my relationship too. I don't know if I can forgive him. After talking a lot he tells me that he made a mistake and that if I told him I was pregnant tomorrow, well, we'd keep it--even though since then nothing has changed. And that just sort of strikes a nerve. But I don’t think that even when he tells me that now he's ready, everything achieved and saved up, that I'll want to. I know what happened wasn't convenient but if I ever hear the words "well, I'm ready now." all hell will break loose. I don't trust him with my feelings anymore either, be it big or small. He says he wants children but I tell him absolutely not. Heck, I'd probably feel the same way with any other relationship. I just can’t and it breaks my heart.

What did everyone hear do individually when they faced their dark hours? I know therapy/counseling is always a vital step, but were some little things aside from that?
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Re: Hard Times... Reaching Out...

Postby joyrose on Tue May 12, 2009 1:01 pm

Hi Shadow :hug

You have two major things going on at once - grieving your loss and dealing with feelings of guilt. The difficult things I've been through, my own darkest hours, drove me to find some kind of relief or to make sense of it and I did seek counseling.

I can't honestly say the counseling "fixed" anything but in retrospect it did give me a kind of supportive relationship with someone not involved in the problems, someone not going to benefit or be harmed, someone neutral. So for that reason I encourage you to seek some kind of therapy, as you have stated that you will.

You don't have to decide today about when you will have children in the future. Right now you just need to get through today. And tomorrow morning, get through today. Sometimes it will be get through the hour, get through the minute.

Time does not heal all wounds. Some losses you will hurt and grieve and even years later, an unexpected reminder can emotionally bring you to your knees. If anyone tells you to just give it time and you'll be over it, don't take that to heart. Grief is a process and some losses forever leave an empty space in your life.

What can help to "get over it" which is not really get over it but come to some kind of peace and ability to live with it, is to really grieve it. Your mother, your best friend, your boyfriend, they probably had no idea what it would be to deal with the fall-out from abortion. It does seem never cool in the public debate to talk about how difficult it might be to have one. I image they honestly thought this was the best solution at this point in your life.

It might help you to journal your thoughts, to write letters to your child, to have some kind of ceremony like a memorial, perhaps to plant a tree or bush, maybe build a fire one starry night and burn the letters so the smoke carries them to Heaven.

I look back at some of the things that happened and I can't honestly tell you how I got through. At times I was clinically depressed with suicidal thoughts, even though I never attempted to acted on them. But I was dead on the inside, saw no hope for the future or purpose in the present life.

At some point you might consider post-abortion counseling. I think there are a lot of young women who choose abortion because they are frightened, they do not have strong support to keep the baby (or the pregnancy if considering adopting the baby out), etc. They made the best decision they could and experienced a bad outcome. It might be therapeutic for you to help someone else survive the experience.
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Re: Hard Times... Reaching Out...

Postby newlywedwidow on Wed May 13, 2009 1:01 am

Joyrose said it might be therapeutic for you to help someone else through this process. I think this is a great idea. I know that around here, there are a lot of people here who are no longer with their gamer (example:Tawnee) and others who have survived gaming (example: Psyki). I too stick around to help others. It makes me feel like I am giving back and helping the cause. Maybe helping others in your situation can help you grieve and come to some sort of closure. Just a thought.
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Re: Hard Times... Reaching Out...

Postby Shadow Guest on Wed May 13, 2009 11:22 pm

I guess its been all weighing down on me. In the past three years, I was diagnosed with major depression. That was the reason I dropped out my senior year, having so much work due and no where near enough time or physical/mental energy to complete it. I wouldn't have been graduating with my class--not that it mattered much since all my close friends had moved far away or changed schools. It really destroyed me, I thought any chances of going to college or having a good future vanished because my high school career suffered so much. I was a smart student and my future was broadsided by a force I couldn't even begin to control, even with counseling and medication. Also, during that time, my parents had split up. My mother who was my first and last supporter was devastated. My father immediately moved in with another woman who had children and didn't spend time with me or really help us out like he promised--no matter how much I confronted him about my feelings. And in between I've dealt with obnoxious dating dramas, a suicide, and some how being the rock support for the few friends that really mattered. Though my life began slowly improving, such as a having a good relationship and receiving my GED, the abortion just suddenly knocked down all the foundations I worked so hard to put up and my problems just flooded out. And when I line them all up, consider the short time that's passed in between them it makes one question the future prospects of life.

Its so hard, I'll switch from being in a calm and pleasant mood into a crying rage. Sometimes I feel like I should do my best to remember and heal, calling the baby by name. I even have a small pot of Chinese Forget-Me-Not's. It fits perfectly because the baby would have been a quarter Chinese (father's side, who's half...) and they're a dark blue--the shade of sapphire, which is the birthstone of September and when the baby would have been born. But then there are other days when I don't want to remember and just think of the baby as being a cancerous parasite. That maybe the way things happened was for the better, so the baby wouldn’t have been surrounded by people who did not want him--my believing that my boyfriend would have been terrible a father. Heck, even if and when my best friend tells me she's expecting I'm probably going to tell her I want nothing to do it or her. I even feel maybe that there would more justification in what happened if I parted ways with my boyfriend. Which is why I'm going home. To soul search and get help.

I don’t know if helping others would really benefit me. I know that I'm great at listening to people and giving my personal advice, but even if they were in my same situation I don't really think it would shed any light upon my own. I guess I'm stubborn. I've talked to other depressed people before to no avail. And I don’t know anyone who's had an abortion, or more likely, anyone who would want to talk about it.
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Re: Hard Times... Reaching Out...

Postby newlywedwidow on Thu May 14, 2009 2:12 am

I think it would be healthier to remember the child. At least that is the way it is for me. If I try and think of things for what they aren't, no matter how hard I try to forget I can't. I just have to accept a situation for what it is. When I can finally do that, things start to get better. That is when I can finally accept it. DO you think that maybe remembering the child by having a memorial would help? Or do you think it would further depress you? Life is very hard don't let this bring you down. I know right now you can't seem to see how it can't, but from what you have said, you have been improving a lot in recent years. People make mistakes, people fall. In life you are not a failure unless you do not pick yourself back up. Just because you made a mistake, does not mean you are not a good person. I have read a lot of your posts to other people and you are very considerate, helpful, and caring. Don't let this devastate you. Sometimes the hardest things in life, the things that almost break us, are what really make us. Let this make you a better person. You are in my prayers sweet heart. *HUGS*

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Re: Hard Times... Reaching Out...

Postby Tawnee on Thu May 14, 2009 4:07 am

Shadow hun :hug I've had one. Ande one that I didn't want at that.

You can talk to me.
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Re: Hard Times... Reaching Out...

Postby Shadow Guest on Fri Jun 05, 2009 11:35 pm

Well, there is an update. Not much of one, but recently I've been feeling rather conflicted. Sorry for the long post.

I've made it back home to spend time with my family and got hit hard by a sudden change in perspective about them. I ended up talking to my father about the abortion and he was absolutely furious with my mother. As a background, just as I was going on summer break Junior year (Senior being next) my dad just up and left and I had always been resentful since I had felt abandoned. Well, in recent events I've really come to realize how incompetent my mother is. I love her to death, but she is a sheep that needs to constantly be herded and have many basic things done for her just because (filling the car tires with air, despite showing her every time was my personal favorite.) But she never told my father about the situation and who I was too scared and reluctant to talk to, either out of him being angry with me or not having any ways of helping me, since I knew he had some financial troubles now living off a single income and supporting three other people. He's upset at all three of them (my mom, best friend and boyfriend), telling me I could have lived with him, that he and his girlfriend (who I've warmed up to) would have housed me, help get a job, take care of the baby and even get a place of my own. Also, he mentioned the divorce papers and how he's been struggling not having them signed over yet. Well, my mother told me she handled it in March--I found the papers untouched and under a pile of old documents. I asked her about it and she said there was some detail she didn't like. So, its been six months and she never talked to my father about it. My father talked about why he left, her never maintaining the house (keeping everything and making quiet the unsightly clutter), after three years of nagging she hasn't even taken our dog to the groomers, but the nail in the coffin was the new trailer and our camp. My dad hand built our camp, it was his dream. It was filled with great stuff, simple and small--perfect. Well, my mother neglected to keep up the payments (he trusted her with most of the bills, him being very dyslexic and her being a bank operator--it seemed sensible.) and we lost the camp. She never told him until he got a notice in the mail. Then he found out we were behind a good amount in back taxes, after just buying a used trailer, we had no money to do all of the interior repairs. Since I've been here, I have served as a taxi for my friend who literally told me she works so many hours so she doesn't have to deal with all of her problems. And my mother hates spending forty minutes to go pick her up at 10pm, but can hammer down alcohol at the bar with her work friends until 1am. They don’t engage me about what's happened. They've watched me storm out of the house in a crying rage, to go for a drive and didn't even say a word! So, I try talking to them. Oh, well now they're crying and listing off their faults, or too tired from whatever to give me any decent advice. Needless to say, I've been on a short fuse lately.

Most all of, I've been confused about my boyfriend. He's was on the fence about taking a month off to come back home where I am to sort of refresh his drive and mend his relationships with a lot of people who he realized he really took for granted. He was debating, but after sleeping in during his first class that month, he decided to go in and take time off. So now he's coming back home to prove to me how much he loves and can treat me right, that he really wants to be the person I spend the rest of my life with. However, I'm extremely skeptical. I've been going into uncontrollable fits of tears and anger, talking for hours with him. Of course, being raised in a family that taught disregarding emotions and just simply moving past whatever doesn't help. He tries giving me advice about how and why I should and must move on, and honestly, I want to hit the dweeb. Sometimes he says very hurtful things. Since I've been bringing in my entire relationship into question, I've been bringing everything into consideration. While we've had some great times, the bad seem to be catching up. First there was the "Fling Attractions" where I basically put up with his pig crushes on other girls that he had previous feelings for--one he worked with and then after we started dating, she relentlessly hit on him. And another an buddy in the Army coming up and he couldn't make any promises something wouldn't happen because she was so relentless. I nearly killed him and I felt terrible the entire time. After that came the few month span where I fought with him constantly, not wanting to be second to a damn console when I moved away from all my family and friends to be with him in a different state to apparently watch the back of his head in his free time. Then this whole situation, the abortion. Heck, even the day I was leaving he wouldn’t let me take the dog, even though we had planned too--but he thought he was right and didn't talk to me until I got home. He's apparently changing, a part of me wants to believe him, despite everything I'm always going to love him. I just have so much trouble trusting him. I don’t know if I should try to forgive him and keep my life with him or just make him one of those guys I dated who just turned out to be a jackass.

I just don’t know what to do about him. :cry2
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Re: Hard Times... Reaching Out...

Postby newlywedwidow on Sat Jun 06, 2009 1:52 am

Personally, I would give him the month that he wants. Let him try and prove himself to you because if you don't, you will wonder "what if." But if it doesn't work out, I think that you and your dad have a great chance at a new and awesome relationship and that you would be better off (if the bf fails) to leave him and go move in with your dad. This is my opinion, yours could be different though.
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Re: Hard Times... Reaching Out...

Postby Tawnee on Sat Jun 06, 2009 4:22 pm

i agree with Mewly but kind of for different reasons.

Give him this month but mainly for you.

You need some "calm" time. Don't feel that you have to make any decisions now. You probably shouldn't make any decisions now. You need to regroup yourself and find your centre again. You have been through something very traumatic.

Our stories are so alike. When I left my husband my Mum was angry and upset with me. I hadn't told her about the abortion as we are all adopted and I knew what babies mean to her. She started siding with my husband because my made up reasons to her why we were splitting sounded stupid. One day with her on my back again I finally told her about feeling forced to have an abotion. My Mum was so sad. She told me I could have left him and moved in with her and that something would have been worked out. It was great to feel that love but it also really really hurt. THAT is the desicion I should have made.

But I forgave myself. I was young and didn't know myself well enough to know what I could handle.

Nice ending to the story though. I do now have a second child. He is my baby and I feel he came back to me. :hug
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Re: Hard Times... Reaching Out...

Postby MaryBraveBird on Sun Jun 07, 2009 3:59 am

Tawnee mentioned something really important: you have to forgive yourself. You didn't know better at the time, the people you love and trusted pressured you into doing something you didn't want to do. You didn't have the kind of support that would have enabled you to make a decision yourself.
It's ok to be hurt, to be angry, to grieve. That is part of the healing process. That sounds cheesy, I know, but it's true. Feelings you don't allow yourself to feel won't simply go away, you have to let them out, to feel them, to process them to become/stay healthy in every way.

Concerning your boyfriend. Some things (like an abortion you didn't really want and which he (among others) convinced you to have) can permanently damage a relationship. I'm not saying, blame it all on him, he was in a similar position than you were: he didn't know better back then. But the damage to your relationship is done, and you might not be able to get past that. Be honest to yourself. Will you be able to trust him again? Is he helping you deal with all these feelings or is he really slowing your healing process? Your health, your happiness should be your number 1 priority. If you can't be healthy and happy with him, maybe it's time to let go.
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MaryBraveBird
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