Possibly straying from S/O?

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Possibly straying from S/O?

Postby MissMouse on Thu Jul 29, 2010 3:50 am

So my mom always told me to go with what you feel is right. Well how the hell do i know whats right? heres a tid bit.
SO and i have been engaged for 5 years (yea every time i bring up wedding or legal marriage he flips). For 4 years he has been a lifer (i like to call the secondlife addict Lifers). Due to secondlife i lost the woos and coos of our love life. I could walk around naked and he would ignore it. I would plan date nights and he would say he can't he's DJing on SL. I even offered him a three some! (that was just to get his attention) and that failed. I gave this man 5 years and still counting. and i think i'm starting to stray?
Heres the thing my ex and i have been talking non stop like we use to. laughing and goofing off on MSN or the phone. I talked to him about whats going on in my life because he's my best friend all so. Then i find out he just got his divorce final. I don't know why but a part of me said YAY >.<. Then he talked about us seeing each other gain after 10 years of not seeing each other. I'm still iffy on that note. He commented joking about getting a hotel and so on. (I told him in the past year my SO and i have done the deed maybe 6 times.). And i'll admit that crossed my mind as a fun. I told him that my SO and i are going on a brake so i can see where i'm truely happy and if he can quit SL with out me having to harp and fight with him.
I caught my self making a pros and cons list of the two! I feel bad yet numb?
my ex was my first everything. we laughed alot and just had a good time. and now we still laugh and joke after 10 years. i hate to admit it but when i'm talking to him i feel a bit whole when we talk i act all silly like i did when we dated 10 years ago. But him being on roids broke us up.
S/O oooh he was the cats meow a bass player in a band with long blond hair abs and blue eyes that could see right threw you. He brought the trill of life out in me. Showed me how to cause trouble and not get caught lol. He would just randomly pick me up or hold me. I got so much attention from him it was like he couldn't get enof of me i felt like i was his addiction and i loved it i felt the same about him. Then i got preg......He with drew from me a bit due to work. But when we saw each other he would wisk me away on a night of sober fun lol. he would even go to the store at 4 am because i wanted hot cheetos lmao. He would still paw at me for nookie even tho i was preggo lol. Then we had our child and 6 months or less ( i had a dream come true. My soul mate and child playing togeather and napping in the bed it was so perfect) then SL lurked on us.
Now he's let him self go (tho i will admit i kinda like his lil gut it's cute) is with drawn, total oppset of what i listed about him befor SL......
I'm tempted to let my ex wisk me away but my heart longs for the reble i fell in love with 5 years ago.....Any of you gone threw this? any advice?
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Re: Possibly straying from S/O?

Postby saltychip on Fri Jul 30, 2010 5:14 am

Well I'm torn here. I think its wrong to be still talking to your "first everything" behind your SO's back. If you told him you were doing that I"m sure he would get upset. If he said something like "yeah thats great I dont care". Then maybe that could be a sign that you could go back with your ex. You need to see where your SO's feelings lie. See what gets hims to tick and come back to reality. Even if its jealousy. At least you know some part of him cares.

I'm not sure if its a good idea or not but whenever my GF and I are being distant and not telling each other we love them. I say, "Well these girls have been talking to me and flirting with me". Then she'll get real defensive and be like "but I love you and your all mine!!? Why are you talking to other girls??!! Do you not wanna be with me anymore ;(". Even if we hadn't been romantic for a week because of a fight. That is what clicks in her head to say ohh i love this guy.

Maybe you could try to see what clicks in your SO's head in order to make him feel some sort of strong emotion towards you. Be it jealously,love or spite. Anything that gives you the incentive on what to do. If everything is emotionless and blah. Then I guess you have your answer. Usually though when a person's back is to the wall that is when their 'true colors' come out.

I would defiantly try your hardest in order to see what is needed to turn the switch for your SO. If you do decide to leave him for your ex at least you can say you did everything you could. If my GF was talking to her ex behind my back I'd be damn jealous and upset. Even if I was playing world of warcraft like I used to. Feel it out and see what you think is best. I'm not sure how much you care for your SO but you are having some very sketchy conversations with an EX. If I was doing that with one of my exes my GF would probably cry and say something like "your still love your ex don't you". So maybe you still have some feelings for your ex with that kind of talking. Or you could simply be desperate to talk to anyone in that manner because of your SO's addiction.

I'm not sure how old you guys are but if your still young you have lots of options. You don't need to seal yourself in concrete with someone your not happy with. If all else fails and you dont read anything else i said in this post. Just be happy. That is the most important goal. Before making your SO happy. Make yourself happy.

PS. As for the 3some part. That was kinda funny and it totally got my attention lol.
My story on how I beat the addiction to WoW
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Re: Possibly straying from S/O?

Postby MissMouse on Fri Jul 30, 2010 11:56 pm

>.< I talked to my SO yesterday about everything i felt. I felt guilty and yucky for feeling that way and thinking bout the ex and talking to him. I told SO EVERYTHING and he was shocked and didn't say a word. Then he looked up at me and said "Did i really lose you to that point? this isn't like you. Did i do this?" i had to tell him it wasn't totally him it was more the SL then anything. It took my man away and replaced him with some kinda robot. So s/o agreed to see a counselor for the both of us. I know it will take small steps but I will have to keep hope. I'm just worried he's gone to far to come back.
I did find a new way to get a gaming addicts attention tho! Before we had the talk i called him on his way home from work and said "You have two choices when you get home, one sit down and let me talk with you or you will lose me. Two log on SL and become single and i will leave you for *ex's name*.". and well convo went ok. some yelling some screaming and a shoe being chucked at him (i'm a shoe jedi! :D ). Then after words silence for about a hour, and then he got up and grabbed his bass and was playing with it and i just sat there in shock. He hasn't played his bass in 4 years. Went to bed and he clung to me all night and i herd him crying a bit and felt the tears on the back of my shirt. I hope he keeps this up and keeps his word. He has done this whole "i'll stop SLing as much" before to me and nothing changes. But i never seen him this intense.

Oh as for the 3some when i look back at it i laugh my @$$ off.
me-"baby i want to have a3some with this chick i met at the club, she's hot and a red head. we can do bondage to!"
SO-"i'm busy.....can't you see i have more then one thing to do in SL right now?!"
me-*sighs*"you could be doing more then one thing in real life.....like....TWO VAGINAS that are both redheads..."
SO-".............i'm busy"
-.- yea i laugh now but i was pissed lol i went to the bar to bug my friend and toss lit matches at the drunks lol (i dont drink so i like to mess wiff the drunks lol)

anyways yea baby steps and hope i think we will do ok. I"m tempted to put a time limit on this >.<.
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Re: Possibly straying from S/O?

Postby saltychip on Sat Jul 31, 2010 6:58 pm

I had a feeling it might wake him up. It did for me. He doesn't want to lose you, which is good. He still wants to be with you so you have hope left! Maybe the counseling will help and it'll start getting better! :)
My story on how I beat the addiction to WoW
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